With Success Also Comes New Struggles.

I have a habit of posting positive, empowering, encouraging, inspiring posts on Facebook, Instagram, and this blog. (wow that wasn't humble at all...stay tuned you'll get where I'm going with this). Everyone tells me how positive and uplifting I am. I think I don't necessarily try but to keep myself positive, I need to keep a straight mindset when it comes to what can potentially outweigh the bad.

This past month has been tough with losing a great friend, still processing the loss of other family members and just simply juggling work, exercise, clean eating, and life. 

Updated Progress Picture. :)

Confession: I think I might have been under eating the past 3 weeks. A year ago stress made me eat everything in sight especially cheesy pasta and bread. I'm not sure why things have changed so much. I found myself so tired at night I would eat a banana and some peanut butter for dinner. I wouldn't feel like I was starving or famished, but I knew I wasn't eating enough. I had this "I don't care" attitude and for once I just allowed myself to be depressed. I still am. My heart still hurts and it's a constant struggle to stay on track with eating every few hours. 

When I first started my journey I was eating small meals every 2-2.5 hours. After about 4 months of that and my metabolism being "woken up" I decided that a small breakfast afternoon snack, medium lunch, and large dinner was better. I will often switch it up from time to time with lots of little meals.

So, 5-6 months ago I had a slight "binging" problem. I'm sure others will look at what I consider binging and think I'm crazy for classifying it as that but the truth is the emotional triggers is what makes me classify it as that. On a positive note, those episodes have lessened tremendously. I'm extremely proud of myself. I know that of course I will probably do it a time or two more along this journey but the guilt that came with it will not be there. I've also found a way to work through it mentally. When I have the thought of doing it; I drink 20+ ounces of water in one sitting. I don't let the water bottle out of my hands the entire time until it's gone. If the water is gone and I still have the urge I will get 1 thing that's "bad" might be bread or a piece of pizza...something but nothing more than 1 thing. Those two methods seem to help a lot.

My workouts this month (from the 11th on) have been great!I started focusing more on my arms and backs. The weights have been my friend along with machines. However, I know to keep slimming down in the waist area I need to add more cardio as well. I need a nice balance of cardio and weights. 

So, going back to my under eating issue: I will be doing a full week worth of meal prep for the first time this Sunday. I will take pictures, write recipes, and post the process on my blog. I will keep notes on how the week goes and report back. Then, the next time I do it hopefully I can do it better. I'm excited to see how it goes. 

I wanted to share this struggle of "under eating" because this journey throws a lot of challenges at you. By being able to post this one...I'm hoping to accept it as a struggle and issue, better myself and not rely on it as a problem anymore. I'm taking the steps to improve and get back on track. Please understand that NO ONE is PERFECT on this journey. We all falter in different areas at different points. That being said, we learn so much during each stage so keep yourself accountable and accept the emotions, thoughts, and pain that come with each day because those are what teach us the lessons. 

I hope you all are well. Post questions or email me (look in the contact tab) so we can discuss any questions, issues, or problems you might be having. 

Hugs to you.

There Will Always Be Mean Girls

After 11 days of being really sick and constantly blowing my nose and coughing, I managed to go to the gym tonight! It was a great feeling. I typically go with a plan, but tonight I decided to listen to my body and do exercises based on how I felt.

I started with the eliptical (my favorite warm up machine to get my heart rate going). I was about 15 minutes into my warm up when two (very young looking) girls showed up and used the machines to my right. I noticed the one girl closest to me kept looking at my machine, leaning toward her friend whispering, leaning back and looking...etc. I let this happen for about 5 minutes. I eventually decided to go run the track instead of getting annoyed. Before I got off I noticed another girl getting on the eliptical at the very end of the row (closest to the girls). This girl was a little bigger (like me). You can tell by looking at her, that she had been bigger and was there to do work and really improve herself. We made eye contact and of course had an instant bond; we had the same goals.

Now, what happened next happened fast.

I noticed the other girl (farthest away from me, but closest to the other larger girl) looking at the larger girls' machine and whispering to her friend. The same exact thing they did to me. As I was wiping my machine down and collecting my phone and water the girl closest to me continued to eye me up and down. I had this "roar" rise in my throat and stomach. I could hear the words escape before they were formed.

"Hey, excuse me. Yea, you. Do you and your friend have a problem?"
"Excuse me?"
"Do you and your friend have a problem? You can't seem to keep your eyes on your own machine or body"
"no...no...I don't know what you mean."
"You better believe that she and I (pointing to the larger girl) could take you and your friend on in any part of this gym. Go back to high school if you want to be mean girls. Don't come to a gym with that attitude".
Blank stare...

My hands were shaking, my heart was racing; ready to race or lift weights to beat these girls.

The larger girl at the end looked at me and said, "Hey, thank you!" We both smiled.

As I walked away to run off the adrenaline on the track a body builder who had been standing near reached his fist out and said "Nice work".

That moment or moments will never leave me. Writing about it now, I felt I might have scared those girls. I'm guessing they were freshmen; new to college life.

Lets get one thing clear, 6 months ago, I would have put my head down and walked away feeling bullied. I would have left the gym feeling like I didn't belong there.

I belong there. I have the desire to be there every single day. I will transform my body and mind with those machines and those walls. That is my sanctuary and I will not tolerate someone making me feel less than worthy to be in that place.

To those mean girls, I don't have to say much else than what I did tonight. Please take this experience and the rest of the experiences you will come across the next year away from home and embrace them so you can improve and grow as individuals.

To the other "larger" girl, thank you for being a warrior. Thank you for sharing that win with me tonight. I hope we run into one another soon.

Everyone else, don't ever let someone dictate or make you feel like you cannot measure up due to what THEY think your abilities are. Prove them wrong.

xoxo

PCOS Awareness Month Giveaway

Hello ladies! 

It's September which is PCOS Awareness month! 

I have a lot of women I know showing fantastic support toward PCOS and what women can do to empower and overcome such a devastating condition. 

Most of you know that I am a blogger for the PCOS Awareness Association and I take great pride in being teamed up with such a wonderful organization helping women. 

So, the founder has given me some goodies to share with women. I am hoping to have a giveaway of small items. I will also give the winner a surprise prize that will only be known when the winner recieves the package. Here is part of what you will win. 

 How to enter:

Please comment on this blog post or send an email to chelsearosen@gmail.com and explain how PCOS has touched your life. Write a brief (or long) message about how you've made steps in your life to live a healthy, happy life with PCOS. (If you do not have PCOS but you have a spouse or family member who does, please feel free to enter).

On September 30, 2013 5:00 pm (MT standard time) I will read all entries and draw a name from all entries for the winner. 

I will also pick 3 of my favorite emails or messages about their PCOS journies and feature them in my blog. I will feature their success stories, progress, pictures, and a small interview. 

Please let me know if there are any questions! :)

Need Support? Accountability? Motivation? Sisterhood?

My friend Amber and I have talked about starting a fitness group on Facebook for some time due to the fact we are asked the same questions over and over and over....We decided to start it a couple of weeks ago.

We thought it would be a nice place to keep one another motivated and offer support. We decided to clarify that the group is NOT for the two of us to have a "meal plan" or "exercise plan" for the group members. We are not licensed nutritionists or personal trainers. We simply know what works for us and know how our bodies respond to certain types of food and exercise.We believe that our fitness journeys are completely TRIAL AND ERROR and that what works for one person may not work for another. There are no rules! Simply ways to modify a "bad" way of eating to "clean" way of eating.

We ask the group a daily question and have recently started to include a fitness challenge daily. We are starting them off simple and fun because a lot of the women are beginners and we all have to start somewhere!

You're welcome to find our group, join, and participate. We are simply two girls on two different journeys but we have the same goals in mind.It is a closed group and only members can view what is posted. There are women who have PCOS and women who do not! Lets educate one another.

Feel free to introduce yourself, share pictures of the meals you eat, share recipes, health related articles, ask questions, participate in conversations. This is a group that depends on your participation and what you are willing to give it and take out of it. I've met some amazing women from mine and Amber's Instagram accounts and I'm thankful I get to know them better on this page.

We are all in different parts of our journeys and I think that is why we are able to offer so much to one another.

Click HERE to view the group.

Breaking The Silence....

In Loving Memory of Miss Dani Marie

1 lbs. 10 inches long. The smallest warrior I’ve ever seen. Holding her in one hand while caressing her cheek with my other hand made me melt. This is what being an aunt feels like. Being completely in love; willing to move mountains to make that angel happy. Her eyes and nose matched, identical to the same eyes and nose I had seen for almost 19 years. Dani looked just like her momma.

My younger sister, Christy went into labor at 22 weeks late at night on August 10 and delivered her beautiful baby girl on August 11. Watching the strongest woman I know, whom I’m lucky to call my sister deliver my incredibly loved niece will always hold a majority of my heart. A serious and very rare infection in my sister’s uterus couldn’t have been detected and unfortunately, there was nothing that could have been done. The family got to spend time with Dani for a hour before she met Jesus and was greeted by our great grandmother, Alyce Williams in heaven.

For days following I kept saying, “My sister shouldn’t have to experience this”. And although that is true, I’ve come to realize no one should ever experience that type of pain. No mother, father, grandmother, great grandmother, grandfather, great grandfather, aunt, uncle, or cousin should have to burry a baby. So why does it happen? Why is this type of pain a part of life? Because God has a plan? That’s what I’ve been telling myself for weeks now. I’ve been trusting in a plan that I even can’t fathom.

The type of pain I’ve experienced is the type that isn’t just from losing my first niece. It isn’t the fact that I became so excited to meet this beautiful girl and spoil her rotten. My pain is the type that comes from a big sister who can’t and couldn’t protect her younger sister from feeling what is possibly the worst heartache. Not being a mother myself, I can’t even imagine what it must feel like. So, I sit here trying to understand still… I may never understand it. But being the big sister, I want to heal and make everything better. I stood there whispering, “Miss Dani, I love you” while her mother wept…that’s the type of pain that breaks a person’s hope a part.

I didn’t care about anything for the days following Dani’s funeral. I ate what I wanted based on my emotions and I didn’t exercise. I didn’t make an effort to talk about my emotions. I focused on my sister and my family. I couldn’t process it myself, and didn’t want to be rushed.

This blog is dedicated to my fitness journey, my trials and tribulations. Obviously, this entry is more personal, but in order to understand my emotions and struggles, you must understand exactly what is happening in my life. This event is still fresh in my heart and memory and after time I don’t think the pain will ever ease. I hope to someday really understand the plan God has for my sister. I may think I know why based on events that will take place, but His plan will become evident to her when the time is right.

I do know that my sister is the greatest mother I know. To give the amount of love she did in such a short amount of time, no one will ever compare. My sweet niece went into the arms of Jesus while being loved in the arms of her mother and father.

Since returning home, I have chosen to eat healthy again after 9 days of horrible eating and no exercise. I signed up for a gym membership. It’s a new month and I am still making progress toward my goals. I DID NOT GIVE UP. I know that someday I will be an aunt again and in order to love my nieces or nephews as long as possible, I need to be healthy. I know one day I will see Dani again, and I hope when I do she will let me know how proud of she is of everyone that she left behind.

I’ve dedicated this blog entry to Dani Marie, I want her to know I will never give up on my goals and promises to myself. Our family was blessed to be able to love her; she brought us together even more than we could have thought. For her, I am thankful for gracing me with that first “auntie” love. I will never forget it, and will always cherish those moments we shared together.

Auntie Chelly loves you.