"Goals to Meet & Records to Break"

With my success of running on Friday and my emotional/mental victory I felt like a new woman! I knew my weekend would be very relaxed and full of activity to ensure that I "meet my goals and break records". 

Saturday was rest day! Boo ya! 

On Sunday, my friend Krystal and I went to my gym and had a 2 hour session of a full body workout. We did a 30 minute circuit ranging from burpees, squats, weighted squats, arm (focusing on triceps), and donkey kicks. Then, we spent a good hour on different machines focusing on legs and arms. We did 15 of the the heaviest weight we could tolerate, then 10 of the weight below X3. Then, we got on the treadmill but my shins were on fire, so I spent 20+minutes on the stair stepper while Krystal did intervals on the treadmill. We finished with 10 minutes in the sauna. Boy, did I feel it this morning! 

 This morning, (Monday-three day weekend!) I made 2 eggs with 7 grain oats (oatmeal) with a half a frozen banana and some dark chocolate peanut butter in it for some fuel before I headed to the gym. Once I got to the gym, I decided that no matter what I would be doing 40+ minutes on the treadmill. Once again, the shin splints came back. I decided to increase the incline and decrease the running speed so that it was a constant jog or power walk. I felt pretty good! I got to the point of realizing it didn't matter if I couldn't run, as long as I was sweating! I am looking into actual running shoes that are for my type of feet (I think some extra arch support while running will help). 

Morning Workout.

 I went home and put a whole chicken in my crock pot so I could have some delicious chicken for the week & had lunch. It was so beautiful out, I'm limiting how I describe the beauty because it's the end of January and it's like it's April out...I don't want to jinx it!

Haha. Anyway, I told myself I would go back to the gym to do weights but realized I was pretty sore from the day before and I didn't want to be inside. I headed out to the Hidden Trail behind my house! It's the trail/mountain that started it ALL! 

It was the first workout I did on April 6 and it was a "beast" that I had to battle time and time again. I found determination and passion on that trail and it's why I am the the person today! My first hike, it took me nearly 45 minutes to hike up the trail because of having to stop and having an anxiety attack every 10 minutes because I was telling myself I couldn't do it. Today, I ran up the trail in less than 15 minutes. I stopped, enjoyed the view, and did some stretching before I made my way back down. How amazing? I'm not going to talk about how out of shape I was or how sad I was 70+ lbs ago, because I'm so damn proud of what I did that day. I didn't give up and I kept going back. I'm only getting better! 

Tomorrow starts another work week, but I'm positive I'll make it to the gym each night like I did this last week. I'm so excited to see my transformation and journey continue. I've felt in a rut for months, still making small steps, but the reality is...this is life. I won't reach a goal weight and stay there just because. I will have to work at this for the rest of my life, but the differance between who I was months ago and who I am today, I'm okay with that! I'm excited to live a healthy life for years to come and find myself "surprised" by accomplishments I make each day. I always say that you need to surprise yourself in order to see change and progress! 

Have a fab week everyone, will update soon! 

Running Accomplishments & Finding Help

On Tuesday, I started to focus on running. I told a friend I would be running with her this year, and I made a promise to honor my friend/brother, Mamoru who is no longer with us on earth. He was one of my biggest supporters during my lifestyle change and in my everyday life, and I'm dedicating everything I do to "surprise myself" in his name. Every run, hike, milestone, accomplishment will have his name behind it. 

So, I started the week on Tuesday running 2 miles. I wasn't going for time, I just made sure I could run/walk do intervals for 2 miles. In different intervals I did 2 miles in 31:12. On Wednesday, I decided to go to 2.5 no matter what, but I wanted to see if I could beat my 2 mile mark and I also timed my first mile. I did a mile in 14:38 & beat my 2 mile time by 1:54. On Thursday, I decided to focus more on my arms. I did a circuit & then simply did a cool down walk at an incline. On Friday, I told myself that I wanted to beat my time of my mile of 14:38 because that wasn't good enough for me. I ran my warm up mile in 12:30 which shaved 2:08 off the previous one. Once I took the picture of the time, I thought to myself, 'you should run a 5k, see how it feels'. I hadn't ran/walked/jogged a 5k since October and I wasn't in shape like I was in October. I continued to run another 2.1 miles in 27:59. I had ran a 5k in 40.29. Is that good? It is for me!

I found myself sprinting at the end and hearing this voice in my head say, "You can do this, your lungs are fine, look ahead and run!" When I looked down and saw 2.09 I knew I did it. When I hit that stop button and put my hands on my head to continue my breathing, I started to cry while I was smiling. I had this sense of freedom from the thoughts of 'wow, a 5k the first week you're running, really?' or 'you should ease into this, take it slow'. I came back to the treadmill with the disinfectant spray and rag to wipe it down when the gentlemen next to me got my attention and extended his fist to congratulate me on my win against the voices in my head. 

With yesterdays win, I kept thinking of Mamoru and trying to wrap my head around that I will never feel his hugs or get a phone call from him. I had a friend say "Breathing feels weird when you miss someone so much". It's true. I sat on my couch last night, wrap up in a blanket, staring at his phone number in my phone, sobbing until I couldn't breathe. I let every emotion over-power my mental strength and I just cried until I had to gasp for air. What happened next, I know was a sign. I went to the bathroom to grab tissue and I stopped at the fridge, opened it, starred at the box of pizza my boyfriend ordered earlier and stood there until my eyes were dry. I watched myself grab the box and eat the entire content. I also saw myself crying, again after the binge. I closed the fridge and knew that it was my way of telling myself that the binge I was longing for wouldn't fix the emotional pain I was experiencing. 

What did I do? I drank another 24 oz of water and crawled in bed, said my prayers, and had a dream of running a marathon. All day I kept seeing that scenario play in my head and how it actually played out and I felt a sense of freedom and accomplishment. I made the decision that I will be seeing a counselor when school starts. There is a program on campus for students to discuss any eating issues. I need to focus on mental strength and knowing that I don't need to binge to overcome something painful. It's only harming me in another form.Running has been a saving grace for me this week. I am actually really excited to continue this journey. Of course, I'm still lifting and focusing on my overall goals, but I already see some definition in my stomach area that wasn't there on Tuesday and my legs seem stronger as well. Every time I've ran this week, I've felt a sense of relief or a wall break down; even relating to stresses at work, they seem to disappear and I'm able to mentally process the issues. Between seeing a counselor and running, I've got a pretty great therapy plan, I think. 

Today was my rest day, but I'm off to crawl into bed to prepare for a 2 hour workout with my good friend, Krystal at my gym in the morning. I'm excited to share with her some of my normal routine and just get some more exercise in. I'm feeling better than ever. 

xoxo

 

Running.

I'm not a runner. At all. I used to run outside during the summer and would run a mile and time it. I never did distance, just timed runs. I made a promise in honor my friend/brother, Mamoru to run at least 5- 5K's within a year, because he was my biggest supporter. I'm going to run in the name of depression and suicide. 

I met a new friend, Krystal and she is way more of a runner than I am so, I found someone I can participate in 5K's with! YAY! I'm taking this year seriously when it comes to running. I'm battling with myself mentally, because I love weights, I LOVE lifting! Will all the running ruin muscle gain or progress? I've done research and there's conflicting information...just like everything else out there! 

I've decided that I will run strictly 3xs a week and lift with light cardio 3xs a week and hope that I find a balance. I did my first long distance run today with intervals of speeds and a couple of inclines to strengthen my endurance. Of course, this schedule won't be every single week because I plan to add in boxing again and other workouts, but I'm hoping to really stick to this in order to run 5k's and of course BLOOMSDAY!!!! 

Today was the first day of longer distance. Tomorrow, I plan on getting to 2.5 miles within or just shortly longer than today's time! 

 I'm also LOVING my Spark energy mix! Talk about awesome stuff. I know it was a big reason why I actually ran for 30 minutes instead of just walking.

Pause or Plateau? Exhausted or Excuses?

I have discovered this new "phase"...yes, lets call it a "phase". Phases end, right? Anyway, this new phase began as an innocent weekend of fun with friends. You know, bars, bad food and even worse breakfast food the next day. I told myself: 1. You don't go out a lot so you deserve to have fun. 2. You won't gain all the weight back in a weekend, you're 21, so don't act like you're 80. I had a great weekend with friends, especially my best friend who came into town from Iowa.

The following week was the week I left on Wed for Washington to spend time with family for Thanksgiving. I refused to buy groceries to put in my house to have most of them go to waste. (I haven't learned how to buy less than 7 days worth of food). 

Before & During.

Just like everyone else who celebrate holidays, I continued to make poor choices when it came to food. It wasn't completely horrible, but definitely not as clean as it should have been. I told myself that life is about adjusting and not worrying during a time that's supposed to be happy and filled with memories. 

Progress is progress. No matter what.

To be completely honest, I had a hard time staying on track because I've been struggling financially; along with the rest of America, I'm sure. I know it isn't impossible to eat clean or make smart choices on a low budget, but I didn't take the necessary steps like meal prepping or planning meals. 

I've had a couple of victories through the last 3 weeks. I've learned a lot about what I care about and what no longer takes up my concentration and focus. 

I can eat bad food in front of people, instead of binging. 
I know that my body responds better to clean food. 
Alcohol makes my stomach hurt; the sugar content in some drinks puts me in so much pain.
Too much bread in a week causes for major bloat and gluten belly. 
I no longer care about the scale; I measure success by visual improvements and clothes. 
My confidence was still high; even without working out and eating clean.  

I'm excited to continue this beautiful journey. My soul has transformed so much; there's no way I'll be stopping, ever. 

New "before" pictures. Next pictures will be on my 22nd birthday.

 I'm now working toward feeling AMAZING on my 22nd birthday! I know the past 3 weeks have put me back a little, but I am going to work hard to feel AMAZING on my birthday. Last year, I didn't take a full body shot photo because I was so embarrassed; no more of that!

New hair. Love going red! :)

First 5K & HUGE Milestone!

I'm not a runner. I don't like running, actually. I never ran when I was heavier because I simply couldn't. Now that I can, it's not one of those things I love to, but I will do it. One of my 3 goals for losing weight and becoming fit was to run...not walk for cancer and other issues close to my heart. I told myself that one day I would run a half marathon or maybe a full marathon for raising money for cancer, PCOS, suicide etc. I shared my goals and hope to run a 5k this year with my dear friend, Mamoru, and just days before he left this earth he said, "why just run one 5k? Run 5!" I laughed. I told him I would try. Since he left, I wanted to honor his name and memory in a positive, clean, healthy way. After all, he was one of my biggest supporters. I decided that for the next year I would run as many 5K's as possible. 

I have a t-shirt that his mom, Julie gave me when I was at their home. It has a picture of him and a beautiful writing piece on the back about family. Mamoru was the closest thing to a brother I had, so I thought it was only fitting that with each race I do, I will wear the shirt, write the date, race name, and time on the shirt. After a year, I will frame the shirt and put it on my wall. I didn't realize how emotional participating a 5K would be for me. Yes, I was emotional because I was remembering my friend, but also the simple fact I would have never signed up at 250 lbs...even to walk it. My confidence and self worth has increased beyond belief. 

I spent most of the 5k walking with a friend because of how cold it was! I definately did not train for a 5k in the cold. My lungs were freaking out, even walking. I'm excited though, I plan to actually train for a 5k at least a couple times a week. I think I'll practice running outside during the weekend, so my lungs have some idea as to what to expect. :) 

I did this for you, Mamoru.

I'm noticing strength and endurance in my body that I didn't know existed. I was just telling a friend last week, I feel like I'm in this awkward stage because I know my body can do so much more than what it looks like I'm capable of doing. Yes, I don't look 250 lbs anymore, but I don't look like a body builder either. However, when I see women and men benching weights or doing machines at the gym, and I'm able to keep up, they are shocked. That to me, proves that any number on a scale is crap!! 

I've said this soooo many times before, and I probably will continue to say it until the end of time. It's something I'm extrmeley passionate about and I truly believe nothing (body size, weight, etc) will change unless it place....


LOVE YOURSELF!!! YOUR BODY IS CHANGING,

I had to tell myself that I was worth fighting for. Once I did that, everything fell into place. No, it didn't happen over night and I still had to work very hard and remind myself often of my purpose and love for my body. Once I did though, I felt unstoppable. Be realistic. Stare at yourself in the mirror often. Look at what you're working with. Picture the slightest changes and soon it won't be a picture, it will be reality. The hardest part of this journey is the mental struggles that come with food, body image, and self worth. 

Something this weekend happened that really gave me a new rush of motivation. Last October 13, 2012, I was at a football game and a picture was taken of me. You've probably seen it posted it quit a bit, it's a picture of my heaviest weight 253 lbs. I untagged myself on facebook, deleted it off my facebook, etc when it first was posted. Now, it's a favorite photo to reference because I've come so far!! Anyway, a whole year has passed since that photo, and I decided to wear the same top and the same size jeans as the picture to share a little comparison. :) 

I am wearing a size 18/20 (stretch) American Eagle pants and a XXL stretch sweater.on the picture on the Left. Currently I'm in a size L/M in shirt (depending on the style) & a 12/13 pair of pants.There is a total of 72+ lbs difference between then & now.

Need Support? Accountability? Motivation? Sisterhood?

My friend Amber and I have talked about starting a fitness group on Facebook for some time due to the fact we are asked the same questions over and over and over....We decided to start it a couple of weeks ago.

We thought it would be a nice place to keep one another motivated and offer support. We decided to clarify that the group is NOT for the two of us to have a "meal plan" or "exercise plan" for the group members. We are not licensed nutritionists or personal trainers. We simply know what works for us and know how our bodies respond to certain types of food and exercise.We believe that our fitness journeys are completely TRIAL AND ERROR and that what works for one person may not work for another. There are no rules! Simply ways to modify a "bad" way of eating to "clean" way of eating.

We ask the group a daily question and have recently started to include a fitness challenge daily. We are starting them off simple and fun because a lot of the women are beginners and we all have to start somewhere!

You're welcome to find our group, join, and participate. We are simply two girls on two different journeys but we have the same goals in mind.It is a closed group and only members can view what is posted. There are women who have PCOS and women who do not! Lets educate one another.

Feel free to introduce yourself, share pictures of the meals you eat, share recipes, health related articles, ask questions, participate in conversations. This is a group that depends on your participation and what you are willing to give it and take out of it. I've met some amazing women from mine and Amber's Instagram accounts and I'm thankful I get to know them better on this page.

We are all in different parts of our journeys and I think that is why we are able to offer so much to one another.

Click HERE to view the group.

Letter

Dear Chelsea,

It's been a while. You seem happier, confident, and loving life. Good for you. I bet days like today make it hard. When you don't feel the best and the reminder that PCOS is still in your life even though you have come so far the past few months...is that way your eating was horrible? Even after a friend warned you and you put in an effort? It's time you realize that just because the way you feel changes within a couple of months and you feel like a new person, your body is changing at it's own pace. From a friend's point of view your body is changing, but what's going on inside of you is a different story. Your PCOS symptoms may never go away. Your skin is getting worse by the day, no matter how many times you exfoliate, wash, or do homemade masks. This happens. It has to be tough to feel great but have your confidence shaken yet again because your face is breaking out so bad.  This too shall pass.

You have so many people telling you that you inspire them and that you're doing fantastic. Accept that. Accept that you have something to offer to others. You aren't just a human taking up space. You're on Earth to walk a path, inspire others, and learn from everyone around you. You can start a chain reaction. The best part is that the chain reaction is positive and leads to great outcomes. Be that person, Chelsea. You have that in you to start positive chain reactions. Be what you needed years ago. 

I know you're scared of failing. Everyone is. You haven't failed yet, so keep going. And if you failed it's because you stopped. Don't stop. "Friends" have shown their true colors and it's up to you to accept their choices and continue to forgive & simply focus on you. Don't feel bad. You are still giving so much to everyone in your life. And at the end of the day, you are still focusing on you. If someone can't accept that and support that, that isn't your fault. So many people can get turned off by someone else's success, but we all have to learn to let others shine. How else do we learn from one another?

Don't ever give up. I'm so proud of you. You have done all of this. You have prepped every meal, you have done every workout, and you are making the choice every day to make a positive life for your future. 

XOXO.

Sluggish

What a long day! I woke up feeling great! I put on a t-shirt that I bought; knowing I couldn't fit just yet. It fit! YAY!!!! It was such a great feeling. :) 

Whoo hoo!!! :) 

I did a circuit workout for 30 min. I definately could have pushed more and gone a little harder but I did force myself to do 10 extra squats with weights and 10 extra lunges per leg for being kind of blahh. 

Tomorrow I WILL hike and act like it's my last chance workout. I can't get lazy. 

I did notice in the mirror this morning, I am starting to see my collar bones. Don't ask why I'm so excited, it's probably because I've never seen my collar bones hahaha. 

   I'm off to relax and just be a bum.