Pause or Plateau? Exhausted or Excuses?

I have discovered this new "phase"...yes, lets call it a "phase". Phases end, right? Anyway, this new phase began as an innocent weekend of fun with friends. You know, bars, bad food and even worse breakfast food the next day. I told myself: 1. You don't go out a lot so you deserve to have fun. 2. You won't gain all the weight back in a weekend, you're 21, so don't act like you're 80. I had a great weekend with friends, especially my best friend who came into town from Iowa.

The following week was the week I left on Wed for Washington to spend time with family for Thanksgiving. I refused to buy groceries to put in my house to have most of them go to waste. (I haven't learned how to buy less than 7 days worth of food). 

Before & During.

Just like everyone else who celebrate holidays, I continued to make poor choices when it came to food. It wasn't completely horrible, but definitely not as clean as it should have been. I told myself that life is about adjusting and not worrying during a time that's supposed to be happy and filled with memories. 

Progress is progress. No matter what.

To be completely honest, I had a hard time staying on track because I've been struggling financially; along with the rest of America, I'm sure. I know it isn't impossible to eat clean or make smart choices on a low budget, but I didn't take the necessary steps like meal prepping or planning meals. 

I've had a couple of victories through the last 3 weeks. I've learned a lot about what I care about and what no longer takes up my concentration and focus. 

I can eat bad food in front of people, instead of binging. 
I know that my body responds better to clean food. 
Alcohol makes my stomach hurt; the sugar content in some drinks puts me in so much pain.
Too much bread in a week causes for major bloat and gluten belly. 
I no longer care about the scale; I measure success by visual improvements and clothes. 
My confidence was still high; even without working out and eating clean.  

I'm excited to continue this beautiful journey. My soul has transformed so much; there's no way I'll be stopping, ever. 

New "before" pictures. Next pictures will be on my 22nd birthday.

 I'm now working toward feeling AMAZING on my 22nd birthday! I know the past 3 weeks have put me back a little, but I am going to work hard to feel AMAZING on my birthday. Last year, I didn't take a full body shot photo because I was so embarrassed; no more of that!

New hair. Love going red! :)

First 5K & HUGE Milestone!

I'm not a runner. I don't like running, actually. I never ran when I was heavier because I simply couldn't. Now that I can, it's not one of those things I love to, but I will do it. One of my 3 goals for losing weight and becoming fit was to run...not walk for cancer and other issues close to my heart. I told myself that one day I would run a half marathon or maybe a full marathon for raising money for cancer, PCOS, suicide etc. I shared my goals and hope to run a 5k this year with my dear friend, Mamoru, and just days before he left this earth he said, "why just run one 5k? Run 5!" I laughed. I told him I would try. Since he left, I wanted to honor his name and memory in a positive, clean, healthy way. After all, he was one of my biggest supporters. I decided that for the next year I would run as many 5K's as possible. 

I have a t-shirt that his mom, Julie gave me when I was at their home. It has a picture of him and a beautiful writing piece on the back about family. Mamoru was the closest thing to a brother I had, so I thought it was only fitting that with each race I do, I will wear the shirt, write the date, race name, and time on the shirt. After a year, I will frame the shirt and put it on my wall. I didn't realize how emotional participating a 5K would be for me. Yes, I was emotional because I was remembering my friend, but also the simple fact I would have never signed up at 250 lbs...even to walk it. My confidence and self worth has increased beyond belief. 

I spent most of the 5k walking with a friend because of how cold it was! I definately did not train for a 5k in the cold. My lungs were freaking out, even walking. I'm excited though, I plan to actually train for a 5k at least a couple times a week. I think I'll practice running outside during the weekend, so my lungs have some idea as to what to expect. :) 

I did this for you, Mamoru.

I'm noticing strength and endurance in my body that I didn't know existed. I was just telling a friend last week, I feel like I'm in this awkward stage because I know my body can do so much more than what it looks like I'm capable of doing. Yes, I don't look 250 lbs anymore, but I don't look like a body builder either. However, when I see women and men benching weights or doing machines at the gym, and I'm able to keep up, they are shocked. That to me, proves that any number on a scale is crap!! 

I've said this soooo many times before, and I probably will continue to say it until the end of time. It's something I'm extrmeley passionate about and I truly believe nothing (body size, weight, etc) will change unless it place....


LOVE YOURSELF!!! YOUR BODY IS CHANGING,

I had to tell myself that I was worth fighting for. Once I did that, everything fell into place. No, it didn't happen over night and I still had to work very hard and remind myself often of my purpose and love for my body. Once I did though, I felt unstoppable. Be realistic. Stare at yourself in the mirror often. Look at what you're working with. Picture the slightest changes and soon it won't be a picture, it will be reality. The hardest part of this journey is the mental struggles that come with food, body image, and self worth. 

Something this weekend happened that really gave me a new rush of motivation. Last October 13, 2012, I was at a football game and a picture was taken of me. You've probably seen it posted it quit a bit, it's a picture of my heaviest weight 253 lbs. I untagged myself on facebook, deleted it off my facebook, etc when it first was posted. Now, it's a favorite photo to reference because I've come so far!! Anyway, a whole year has passed since that photo, and I decided to wear the same top and the same size jeans as the picture to share a little comparison. :) 

I am wearing a size 18/20 (stretch) American Eagle pants and a XXL stretch sweater.on the picture on the Left. Currently I'm in a size L/M in shirt (depending on the style) & a 12/13 pair of pants.There is a total of 72+ lbs difference between then & now.

With Hard Work... Comes AWESOME Success!

First: I want to apologize for not posting for a couple of weeks. Life really has picked up, or maybe my activity level has picked up? I'm enjoying my summer & not giving up! So much has happened it feels like. Of course, this month has been NO SCALE JULY so that's been an experience. No weighing in once a week was weird to get used to, but I had to find ways to keep focused. This month, I've learned to look more at myself in the mirror and focus on clothes. I didn't realize the amount of time I spent daydreaming about the numbers and focusing on the numbers. Obviously, yes, the numbers decreasing is motivating because I have a lot to lose, but now that I'm finding a healthier relationship with the scale, I'm focusing on other aspects of this journey and at the end of the day I go to bed feeling proud and content with myself. 

So, you guessed it more progress pictures! Why? Because I'm changing!!!! On New Years Eve, I went to a party and the picture on the L is then :) A couple weeks ago I wore the same shirt (hadn't done laundry in a few days so I wasn't able to just pick anything I wanted to wear). On the R is what it looked like. A few people at work mentioned how I was "swimming" in the shirt. After taking a picture and comparing it, I was shocked! I had the realization that even though I had sold a lot of my "fat" clothes (sorry for those of you who don't like that term) but I still needed to get rid of the other clothes currently in my closet. 

So, I had gone to a local clothing shop ReStyle Clothing Exchange a few weeks prior where you can cash in your nice, used clothes and even buy new items. I had bought some workout pieces, and thought that if the owner was willing to take my plus size clothes I could maybe find new clothes there, or even go somewhere else in town with the cash to go find a couple new pairs of shorts. After washing four large loads of laundry, I had two huge bags of clothes to be sold. I didn't realize how much I had sitting in the back of my closet! So crazy! 

I had called ahead prior to going in to make sure she would take some of the larger size pants that I found in the back of my closet and some tops that were XXL and some plus size from different stores. She said she would, so I went in cashed in my items! For in store credit you get 50% of what she will sell it for in the store or you can take 40% of it in cash. I took the cash. 

I immediately headed to Old Navy (obsessed with store!). Now, I started at size 18 pants and usually 20 shorts (to hide the love handle area). I had been wearing a size 14-15 in pants depending on the style. So, I got a size 16 and 14 and headed to the one place I absolutely HATE....the dressing room. I put on the first pair without looking at the size.

That's right, a size 14 in shorts....probably haven't been that size since about Freshman year in high school. My hate for the dressing room changed. This was a huge mental transition to me. I had smaller clothes in my closet that I've started wearing recently, but going to a store and being able to pick out a smaller size....actually 4 sizes smaller is so exciting. 

 Here's a little Flashback Friday (from this past Friday!). On the L i was 245ish lbs on February 1st, 2013. On the right: July 19 somewhere around 200...maybe less?! (I'll find out soon!). This picture is such a huge motivator. I didn't think in February that I could do it, I tried but gave up after a few weeks...but look at me now! 

 

Core & Arm workout!

First time using my watch! I did a circuit and hike behind my house! Whooo hoo!

Just a little core workout in the living room :)

Last night's Biggest Loser Max Cardio and Fitsugar workout!

This week I bought a Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor Watch off of Amazon for $62.00. I did a lot of research prior to purchasing it. I had been following so many people on Instagram that count calories and use it to determine their calories for working out. I DO NOT COUNT CALORIES so I had the idea that I wouldn't benefit from it (although seeing how hard your workouts are is a positive). After a lot of research I found out that it doesn't just tell you the calories you burn, it also tells you your heart rate. Based on my weight (I put 208 down), height, and the heart rate monitor it keeps track of when you're "in range". The "in range" section lets you know when you're burning the most calories as possible (that your body lets you) while maintaining a healthy heart. I was born with a few heart problems and it's so important that the weight is gone that I strengthen my heart and not damage it. This really was the deciding factor in purchasing the watch. After a few workouts, I'm so happy with my decision. Honestly, I live on a tight budget and I was able to affoard it by saving up a little every couple paychecks. I really like the feature that tells you how long during your entire workout that you were in rage. It really makes you want to become stronger and spend more time "in range" to get the most out of your workouts!

I wanted to share two videos that I used last night! :) A friend of mine introduced me to FitSugar, a great FREE online place to get workout videos targeting all areas with some of the most known celebrity trainers! I also did a favorite Biggest Loser Max Cardio workout :)
Here are the two videos!
 

Here are a couple of pictures of some love handle and bum progress. This is exactly 8 weeks a part. :) 

 I'm so excited for the end of July to see what kind of progress I've made. I'm honestly hoping to be in ONEderland....so that's -8 lbs in a month. I know my body is changing and I see that daily, but we shall see! 

I hope everyone is staying cool, the summer is really getting hot! If anyone in the Missoula area would like to get together to workout or hike, let me know! :) 

xoxo