Baby Wayne, Due March 3, 2015.

For those who aren't on my Facebook, Instagram or simply follow this blog. First, I apologize for not updating it in MONTHS. I had a very busy spring with school, running, workouts, and settling into what I thought would be a glorious summer vacation.

Jake & I are expecting our first child.

I started my summer vacation by continuing to bike to work, workout, and enjoy freedom from classes while planning my sister's baby shower.

My sister's baby shower was June 21, and it was so much fun filled with lots of love. We knew Noah wouldn't be waiting until his July 14 due date to make his entrance into the world. Momma was WAY too tired & uncomfortable at her shower. 3 days later, I got the call she was in labor and on June 25, he was born at 5 lbs 7oz. Pure perfection.

What the rest of the world didn't know was, Noah was already going to have a cousin. I had just shared with my close family and best friend(s) that I was expecting my first child. Holding Noah, something changed inside of me. I knew that I was months away from feeling those emotions and fear my sister just experienced and I knew the joy she had holding her son would soon be mine. It was overwhelming. (Puking moments before this photo made it that much more real).

I should have noticed something was different while I hosted her baby shower, because I just wasn't my usual self. If it wasn't for my flu like symptoms, I probably would have gone a couple extra days feeling out of sorts without an explanation. Yes, my life was so busy at that time I didn't realize my period was late. 

I kept the news very quiet besides very close family and a few close friends. I have PCOS and although I got pregnant, that didn't mean I'm automatically having a healthy and problem free pregnancy. With the realization of having my first child in God's plan & timing and not mine, I kept my emotions very streamline until I knew I was in a safe zone. 

I don't regret not getting excited until recently, because it's how I handled the change. I was very fearful that I would experience a heart break that I've seen my own sister experience last year. Fear consumed me, but I know deep down that all of those prayers and all of those nights planning certain things in my head...that was my excitement & hope. 

TRUTH:

I don't enjoy pregnancy so far. Yes, I know every pregnancy is different and every woman is different. It's great that your sister's best friends, cousins, sister felt immediately better on her 12th week of pregnancy. Good for her! I love that you never had any pregnancy symptoms with both of your children, I think that's so incredible. More than anything, I love that every person will say the second trimester gets SO MUCH better. 

The reality for ME....none of it's true. I'm 15 weeks and since about week 5, I've been getting progressively worse...or at least constant. I've felt sad for myself, mad, frustrated, mentally unstable (think...ready to admit myself to hospital until I stop puking unstable). I've gone through the emotions of being so mad at my body that I just didn't leave my bed for days. I've spent probably hundreds of dollars on products, home remedies, vitamins, ect to see if they would make things better. I kept these things secret because I felt like I was already failing as a mother and I hadn't even met my child. I felt like I was being a horrible woman for stating that I hated being pregnant because I know women in my daily life that WISH & PRAY for this miracle and I'm taking it for granted. Weeks later, I've come to terms with something and I will advocate & stand up for myself no matter what. 

I hate the symptoms that are associated with this pregnancy, but I love the miracle that's happening within my life. 

I can only imagine how I'll forget about the morning sickness, hospital visits, crazy body changes, ect when I met my child, but until then...I'm going to allow all those emotions to come and I will remind myself every time I get frustrated that I'm a part of something MUCH bigger than I could ever imagine. 

I'm 15 weeks & in just 30 days, Jake and I will find out if we are going to have a daughter or son. (Man, I can't wrap my head around saying that). 

On the workout/health/fitness side of things....I have not worked out since about June 20th. Seriously. I know, I'm going insane. I've had a couple of times were I did a few things here and there, but immediate felt ill. I'm listening to my body. I'm trying my best. My nutrition is alright, I'm pretty much eating what will stay down. I've lost 17 lbs since I first found out I was pregnant. My doctor isn't concerned because my levels are really great and I have a healthy & very active baby. 

Once I can function without throwing up or wanting to faint, I will absolutely be back in the gym! After all, I will be one FIT Momma! 

I know this doesn't explain or even begin to summarize my summer and my pregnancy so far, but I'm hoping to keep this blog updated more often to keep my Facebook use down to minimum. 

Baby Wayne is one love, adored, supported, and wanted child of his parents, family, friends, and God. March 3, 2015 needs to hurry, but I'm patiently waiting. 

"Goals to Meet & Records to Break"

With my success of running on Friday and my emotional/mental victory I felt like a new woman! I knew my weekend would be very relaxed and full of activity to ensure that I "meet my goals and break records". 

Saturday was rest day! Boo ya! 

On Sunday, my friend Krystal and I went to my gym and had a 2 hour session of a full body workout. We did a 30 minute circuit ranging from burpees, squats, weighted squats, arm (focusing on triceps), and donkey kicks. Then, we spent a good hour on different machines focusing on legs and arms. We did 15 of the the heaviest weight we could tolerate, then 10 of the weight below X3. Then, we got on the treadmill but my shins were on fire, so I spent 20+minutes on the stair stepper while Krystal did intervals on the treadmill. We finished with 10 minutes in the sauna. Boy, did I feel it this morning! 

 This morning, (Monday-three day weekend!) I made 2 eggs with 7 grain oats (oatmeal) with a half a frozen banana and some dark chocolate peanut butter in it for some fuel before I headed to the gym. Once I got to the gym, I decided that no matter what I would be doing 40+ minutes on the treadmill. Once again, the shin splints came back. I decided to increase the incline and decrease the running speed so that it was a constant jog or power walk. I felt pretty good! I got to the point of realizing it didn't matter if I couldn't run, as long as I was sweating! I am looking into actual running shoes that are for my type of feet (I think some extra arch support while running will help). 

Morning Workout.

 I went home and put a whole chicken in my crock pot so I could have some delicious chicken for the week & had lunch. It was so beautiful out, I'm limiting how I describe the beauty because it's the end of January and it's like it's April out...I don't want to jinx it!

Haha. Anyway, I told myself I would go back to the gym to do weights but realized I was pretty sore from the day before and I didn't want to be inside. I headed out to the Hidden Trail behind my house! It's the trail/mountain that started it ALL! 

It was the first workout I did on April 6 and it was a "beast" that I had to battle time and time again. I found determination and passion on that trail and it's why I am the the person today! My first hike, it took me nearly 45 minutes to hike up the trail because of having to stop and having an anxiety attack every 10 minutes because I was telling myself I couldn't do it. Today, I ran up the trail in less than 15 minutes. I stopped, enjoyed the view, and did some stretching before I made my way back down. How amazing? I'm not going to talk about how out of shape I was or how sad I was 70+ lbs ago, because I'm so damn proud of what I did that day. I didn't give up and I kept going back. I'm only getting better! 

Tomorrow starts another work week, but I'm positive I'll make it to the gym each night like I did this last week. I'm so excited to see my transformation and journey continue. I've felt in a rut for months, still making small steps, but the reality is...this is life. I won't reach a goal weight and stay there just because. I will have to work at this for the rest of my life, but the differance between who I was months ago and who I am today, I'm okay with that! I'm excited to live a healthy life for years to come and find myself "surprised" by accomplishments I make each day. I always say that you need to surprise yourself in order to see change and progress! 

Have a fab week everyone, will update soon! 

Running Accomplishments & Finding Help

On Tuesday, I started to focus on running. I told a friend I would be running with her this year, and I made a promise to honor my friend/brother, Mamoru who is no longer with us on earth. He was one of my biggest supporters during my lifestyle change and in my everyday life, and I'm dedicating everything I do to "surprise myself" in his name. Every run, hike, milestone, accomplishment will have his name behind it. 

So, I started the week on Tuesday running 2 miles. I wasn't going for time, I just made sure I could run/walk do intervals for 2 miles. In different intervals I did 2 miles in 31:12. On Wednesday, I decided to go to 2.5 no matter what, but I wanted to see if I could beat my 2 mile mark and I also timed my first mile. I did a mile in 14:38 & beat my 2 mile time by 1:54. On Thursday, I decided to focus more on my arms. I did a circuit & then simply did a cool down walk at an incline. On Friday, I told myself that I wanted to beat my time of my mile of 14:38 because that wasn't good enough for me. I ran my warm up mile in 12:30 which shaved 2:08 off the previous one. Once I took the picture of the time, I thought to myself, 'you should run a 5k, see how it feels'. I hadn't ran/walked/jogged a 5k since October and I wasn't in shape like I was in October. I continued to run another 2.1 miles in 27:59. I had ran a 5k in 40.29. Is that good? It is for me!

I found myself sprinting at the end and hearing this voice in my head say, "You can do this, your lungs are fine, look ahead and run!" When I looked down and saw 2.09 I knew I did it. When I hit that stop button and put my hands on my head to continue my breathing, I started to cry while I was smiling. I had this sense of freedom from the thoughts of 'wow, a 5k the first week you're running, really?' or 'you should ease into this, take it slow'. I came back to the treadmill with the disinfectant spray and rag to wipe it down when the gentlemen next to me got my attention and extended his fist to congratulate me on my win against the voices in my head. 

With yesterdays win, I kept thinking of Mamoru and trying to wrap my head around that I will never feel his hugs or get a phone call from him. I had a friend say "Breathing feels weird when you miss someone so much". It's true. I sat on my couch last night, wrap up in a blanket, staring at his phone number in my phone, sobbing until I couldn't breathe. I let every emotion over-power my mental strength and I just cried until I had to gasp for air. What happened next, I know was a sign. I went to the bathroom to grab tissue and I stopped at the fridge, opened it, starred at the box of pizza my boyfriend ordered earlier and stood there until my eyes were dry. I watched myself grab the box and eat the entire content. I also saw myself crying, again after the binge. I closed the fridge and knew that it was my way of telling myself that the binge I was longing for wouldn't fix the emotional pain I was experiencing. 

What did I do? I drank another 24 oz of water and crawled in bed, said my prayers, and had a dream of running a marathon. All day I kept seeing that scenario play in my head and how it actually played out and I felt a sense of freedom and accomplishment. I made the decision that I will be seeing a counselor when school starts. There is a program on campus for students to discuss any eating issues. I need to focus on mental strength and knowing that I don't need to binge to overcome something painful. It's only harming me in another form.Running has been a saving grace for me this week. I am actually really excited to continue this journey. Of course, I'm still lifting and focusing on my overall goals, but I already see some definition in my stomach area that wasn't there on Tuesday and my legs seem stronger as well. Every time I've ran this week, I've felt a sense of relief or a wall break down; even relating to stresses at work, they seem to disappear and I'm able to mentally process the issues. Between seeing a counselor and running, I've got a pretty great therapy plan, I think. 

Today was my rest day, but I'm off to crawl into bed to prepare for a 2 hour workout with my good friend, Krystal at my gym in the morning. I'm excited to share with her some of my normal routine and just get some more exercise in. I'm feeling better than ever. 

xoxo

 

Running.

I'm not a runner. At all. I used to run outside during the summer and would run a mile and time it. I never did distance, just timed runs. I made a promise in honor my friend/brother, Mamoru to run at least 5- 5K's within a year, because he was my biggest supporter. I'm going to run in the name of depression and suicide. 

I met a new friend, Krystal and she is way more of a runner than I am so, I found someone I can participate in 5K's with! YAY! I'm taking this year seriously when it comes to running. I'm battling with myself mentally, because I love weights, I LOVE lifting! Will all the running ruin muscle gain or progress? I've done research and there's conflicting information...just like everything else out there! 

I've decided that I will run strictly 3xs a week and lift with light cardio 3xs a week and hope that I find a balance. I did my first long distance run today with intervals of speeds and a couple of inclines to strengthen my endurance. Of course, this schedule won't be every single week because I plan to add in boxing again and other workouts, but I'm hoping to really stick to this in order to run 5k's and of course BLOOMSDAY!!!! 

Today was the first day of longer distance. Tomorrow, I plan on getting to 2.5 miles within or just shortly longer than today's time! 

 I'm also LOVING my Spark energy mix! Talk about awesome stuff. I know it was a big reason why I actually ran for 30 minutes instead of just walking.