Baby Wayne, Due March 3, 2015.

For those who aren't on my Facebook, Instagram or simply follow this blog. First, I apologize for not updating it in MONTHS. I had a very busy spring with school, running, workouts, and settling into what I thought would be a glorious summer vacation.

Jake & I are expecting our first child.

I started my summer vacation by continuing to bike to work, workout, and enjoy freedom from classes while planning my sister's baby shower.

My sister's baby shower was June 21, and it was so much fun filled with lots of love. We knew Noah wouldn't be waiting until his July 14 due date to make his entrance into the world. Momma was WAY too tired & uncomfortable at her shower. 3 days later, I got the call she was in labor and on June 25, he was born at 5 lbs 7oz. Pure perfection.

What the rest of the world didn't know was, Noah was already going to have a cousin. I had just shared with my close family and best friend(s) that I was expecting my first child. Holding Noah, something changed inside of me. I knew that I was months away from feeling those emotions and fear my sister just experienced and I knew the joy she had holding her son would soon be mine. It was overwhelming. (Puking moments before this photo made it that much more real).

I should have noticed something was different while I hosted her baby shower, because I just wasn't my usual self. If it wasn't for my flu like symptoms, I probably would have gone a couple extra days feeling out of sorts without an explanation. Yes, my life was so busy at that time I didn't realize my period was late. 

I kept the news very quiet besides very close family and a few close friends. I have PCOS and although I got pregnant, that didn't mean I'm automatically having a healthy and problem free pregnancy. With the realization of having my first child in God's plan & timing and not mine, I kept my emotions very streamline until I knew I was in a safe zone. 

I don't regret not getting excited until recently, because it's how I handled the change. I was very fearful that I would experience a heart break that I've seen my own sister experience last year. Fear consumed me, but I know deep down that all of those prayers and all of those nights planning certain things in my head...that was my excitement & hope. 

TRUTH:

I don't enjoy pregnancy so far. Yes, I know every pregnancy is different and every woman is different. It's great that your sister's best friends, cousins, sister felt immediately better on her 12th week of pregnancy. Good for her! I love that you never had any pregnancy symptoms with both of your children, I think that's so incredible. More than anything, I love that every person will say the second trimester gets SO MUCH better. 

The reality for ME....none of it's true. I'm 15 weeks and since about week 5, I've been getting progressively worse...or at least constant. I've felt sad for myself, mad, frustrated, mentally unstable (think...ready to admit myself to hospital until I stop puking unstable). I've gone through the emotions of being so mad at my body that I just didn't leave my bed for days. I've spent probably hundreds of dollars on products, home remedies, vitamins, ect to see if they would make things better. I kept these things secret because I felt like I was already failing as a mother and I hadn't even met my child. I felt like I was being a horrible woman for stating that I hated being pregnant because I know women in my daily life that WISH & PRAY for this miracle and I'm taking it for granted. Weeks later, I've come to terms with something and I will advocate & stand up for myself no matter what. 

I hate the symptoms that are associated with this pregnancy, but I love the miracle that's happening within my life. 

I can only imagine how I'll forget about the morning sickness, hospital visits, crazy body changes, ect when I met my child, but until then...I'm going to allow all those emotions to come and I will remind myself every time I get frustrated that I'm a part of something MUCH bigger than I could ever imagine. 

I'm 15 weeks & in just 30 days, Jake and I will find out if we are going to have a daughter or son. (Man, I can't wrap my head around saying that). 

On the workout/health/fitness side of things....I have not worked out since about June 20th. Seriously. I know, I'm going insane. I've had a couple of times were I did a few things here and there, but immediate felt ill. I'm listening to my body. I'm trying my best. My nutrition is alright, I'm pretty much eating what will stay down. I've lost 17 lbs since I first found out I was pregnant. My doctor isn't concerned because my levels are really great and I have a healthy & very active baby. 

Once I can function without throwing up or wanting to faint, I will absolutely be back in the gym! After all, I will be one FIT Momma! 

I know this doesn't explain or even begin to summarize my summer and my pregnancy so far, but I'm hoping to keep this blog updated more often to keep my Facebook use down to minimum. 

Baby Wayne is one love, adored, supported, and wanted child of his parents, family, friends, and God. March 3, 2015 needs to hurry, but I'm patiently waiting.