"Goals to Meet & Records to Break"

With my success of running on Friday and my emotional/mental victory I felt like a new woman! I knew my weekend would be very relaxed and full of activity to ensure that I "meet my goals and break records". 

Saturday was rest day! Boo ya! 

On Sunday, my friend Krystal and I went to my gym and had a 2 hour session of a full body workout. We did a 30 minute circuit ranging from burpees, squats, weighted squats, arm (focusing on triceps), and donkey kicks. Then, we spent a good hour on different machines focusing on legs and arms. We did 15 of the the heaviest weight we could tolerate, then 10 of the weight below X3. Then, we got on the treadmill but my shins were on fire, so I spent 20+minutes on the stair stepper while Krystal did intervals on the treadmill. We finished with 10 minutes in the sauna. Boy, did I feel it this morning! 

 This morning, (Monday-three day weekend!) I made 2 eggs with 7 grain oats (oatmeal) with a half a frozen banana and some dark chocolate peanut butter in it for some fuel before I headed to the gym. Once I got to the gym, I decided that no matter what I would be doing 40+ minutes on the treadmill. Once again, the shin splints came back. I decided to increase the incline and decrease the running speed so that it was a constant jog or power walk. I felt pretty good! I got to the point of realizing it didn't matter if I couldn't run, as long as I was sweating! I am looking into actual running shoes that are for my type of feet (I think some extra arch support while running will help). 

Morning Workout.

 I went home and put a whole chicken in my crock pot so I could have some delicious chicken for the week & had lunch. It was so beautiful out, I'm limiting how I describe the beauty because it's the end of January and it's like it's April out...I don't want to jinx it!

Haha. Anyway, I told myself I would go back to the gym to do weights but realized I was pretty sore from the day before and I didn't want to be inside. I headed out to the Hidden Trail behind my house! It's the trail/mountain that started it ALL! 

It was the first workout I did on April 6 and it was a "beast" that I had to battle time and time again. I found determination and passion on that trail and it's why I am the the person today! My first hike, it took me nearly 45 minutes to hike up the trail because of having to stop and having an anxiety attack every 10 minutes because I was telling myself I couldn't do it. Today, I ran up the trail in less than 15 minutes. I stopped, enjoyed the view, and did some stretching before I made my way back down. How amazing? I'm not going to talk about how out of shape I was or how sad I was 70+ lbs ago, because I'm so damn proud of what I did that day. I didn't give up and I kept going back. I'm only getting better! 

Tomorrow starts another work week, but I'm positive I'll make it to the gym each night like I did this last week. I'm so excited to see my transformation and journey continue. I've felt in a rut for months, still making small steps, but the reality is...this is life. I won't reach a goal weight and stay there just because. I will have to work at this for the rest of my life, but the differance between who I was months ago and who I am today, I'm okay with that! I'm excited to live a healthy life for years to come and find myself "surprised" by accomplishments I make each day. I always say that you need to surprise yourself in order to see change and progress! 

Have a fab week everyone, will update soon! 

Accomplishments, Balance, & Celebrations. The ABC's of Success!

Whoa. That title makes it sound like this is going to give you all the answers about weight loss and how to make a life changing journey.... I wish that was exactly what I could give you. Instead, I'll talk about some of those in my life that has taken place this last week! 

On Tuesday, the UM Staff Senate had a FREE Power Hour at Title Boxing Club for all UM Employees. I was excited to try kickboxing for the first time and actually take a group class again. I was warned ahead of time by one of the workers about how my heart rate would go up and that the workout and first 15 minutes would be the hardest part. I understood that kickboxing would be a challenge, but for a split second I was intimidated and I was considering leaving. I stuck it out. I kept up & was sweating harder than I ever have before. It was tough. A whole hour that felt like 2 hours. I learned so much & walked away feeling strong and powerful. 

Such a hard workout!

Had so much fun! 

On Thursday, it was the one day I've been waiting for the past 4 months!!! MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS in Missoula! I have been working my tail off so I could feel awesome in the outfit I wore to the concert! I had a tough time shopping for the outfit because I didn't know what I wanted to "look" like. I finally landed on the idea of skinny jeans, boots, and a nice flowy top. I didn't get a full body picture but I felt AMAZING and I was so happy! I enjoyed the concert so much & it was worth the hard work and dedication. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis put on the BEST show I've ever been to! I danced the night away! 

Me & Alesha!

Karla, Me, & Aislinn

This weekend I decided to have some fun! I didn't eat that well and didn't workout, but I had fun and my soul needed some friend time and no stresses! I didn't do horribly, but I could have done better! The best part? I keep looking at myself in windows or in pictures and am amazed at how far I've come and I know I could never let myself go again. 

So, since tonight is Sunday night I did some grocery shopping & wanted to share some ideas! I found some dark chocolate almond milk (sweetened) and compared it to my normal unsweetened almond milk. I posted it on IG and so many people started bashing on the sugar content. I agree, it is higher...but it's not as high as most chocolate milks out there. Plus, my sugar in take is VERY low (natural sources only) so the fact that I will only add splashes of it on occasion in my smoothies. I took a couple sips and enjoyed it! 

Here is some meal prep ideas! Click here for the full recipes! 

Egg Muffins

Red Potatoes

Crock Pot Chicken "Fajitas"

Determined, Friendly, and Courageous.

I'll be honest, I'm currently fighting back tears typing this. It's funny because I haven't really sat down and cried in almost 3 months. Before I started working out and eating clean, I would literally cry at EVERYTHING! I would have small little break downs probably twice a week. I would think about something, focus on it for a long time and eventually my emotions would take over. I've always been an emotional person, I joke and say "I get it from my momma". She is probably the most emotional human being on the planet, but her heart is the size of Texas, so for that I envy her.

But as of lately, I have noticed I haven't sat down and really "cried my eyes out" in almost three months. I would like to give credit to the Vitamin B Complex I take daily. It really is better than any anti depressant, mood stabilizer, or big piece of pie that I used to use to make myself happy. Lately, the few times I have cried was out of sadness (leaving home from vacation, watching my sister graduation, etc). So, to my surprise when I read a posting from Dannii Martin ( a blogger from the UK who has lost 98 lbs and has kept it off for nearly 2 years s) I found myself crying I had a "Why the heck are you crying!" moment. 

Dannii posted on her Facebook challenge page "Today's task is to think about yourself more positively. Start off with "I am" and then follow it with 3 positive words to describe yourself. I will start - I am ambitious, honest and loyal. Go!"

Now, this simple act of self reflection has now caused me to blog and get a bit emotional. Why? Because my 3 words are, "dedicated, friendly, and courageous". When I came up with the word "dedicated" I immediately went back to April 6. I remember the conversation I had with Laura on our first hike. I chose to hike behind her and her daughter, because at 242 lbs, I was having a hard time breathing, I was embarrassed, and I just didn't want anyone to "see" me like that.

I remember Laura started talking about her struggle and her journey. I listened and realized, she was there one, she was doing exactly what I was doing. She was out of breath, she was embarassed, she struggled. But she did it. Then, immediately after, I remember thinking "but she has self control. she's dedicated." So out loud I said, "I'm just not dedicated. I have zero self control." 

Looking back, honestly, I think that was the moment I had the mental shift. I admitted to my fault, I admitted to what I felt was the reason I had let my health become so poorly. I knew I had control and dedication in other areas of my life, but why not my health? In the moments following that, I became mad. I remember getting mad when I felt like my lungs weren't getting air. I was mad that I was going so slow. I decided that day to find, make, or train myself to have self control. 

Since that day, almost 12 weeks ago, I haven't really come back to that thought until today. Dannii's post made me revisit that. And even though the past 3 months have gone by so fast, and I am still changing and growing every single day, and today was a big moment for me. Because I'm proud to say that I'm dedicated. I'm proud to say that I have self control. Yes, we all cheat and we all indulge, that's healthy. I told myself I would indulge in the sake of my sanity. But, I have self control. I'm controlling my body. I work out 6 times a week, I prepare healthy, clean meals. I drink a gallon of water a day, I make time for myself. I always think about what's going into my body. 

I can't express the amount of pride I have right now. Yes, I've lost weight and inches in the past three months. I fit into old clothes, my "fat clothes" fall off of me. But, more than all of those victories, I'm proud of myself. I have faith in myself and my abilities better myself. Today was a HUGE emotional/mental win for me. 

Click here for Dannii's blog information. Also, if you'd like to join her group on Facebook, they are doing a 100 days of summer challenge. It has thousands of people who are encouraging each other, from all over the world.

Helpful Changes :)

So, I started this journey and my priority was to help myself. I would ask for help from friends if I needed it because I knew I was bettering myself by doing so. I asked Laura for help and I'm grateful she agreed. She lost her weight and wanted to inspire and help other women. 

I didn't know that I would be inspiring people along the way. I didn't know that my friends and family would come to me for advice or just tell me on a daily basis that they saw me workout so they did the workout I posted on Instagram. I'm amazed at the amount of support and encouragement throughout this journey. 

I want to clairfy, I still have a lot to learn. When it comes to nutrition, I know the basics. If I see or hear a term that I don't know what it means, I will research the heck out of it. I know what my body needs by now and I listen to it! As for workouts, I obviously know the importance of cardio--to shed pounds. But I'm also learning that lifting weights will help shed pounds as well! Lifting weights isn't going to make you huge and buff right away, it aids in the effort to loose weight while gaining muscle. 

Now the following are tips/hints/changes that either Laura introduced me to, or that I have found along the way. I do everything on the list and for the most part, I see the benefits. :) I am not a doctor nor a medical professional.

• Getting PLENTY of sleep. I'm a night owl and HATE mornings so this was one of the hardest. Trying to get at least 7-8 hours a night was the biggest struggle. Our bodies do so much while we are sleeping and it's important. I think of sleep as fuel for my workouts the next day. 
• Eat Breakfast. I am not a breakfast person, probably because I'm not a morning person. I would usually eat "breakfast" and it would be my lunch hour. Sometimes I would wake up at 8 am and not eat until 1 or 2 because I was busy at work and I didn't think I was hungry. This often lead to my lunch at 2 being a huge wrap or a hamburger or something equally bad. Now, eating within the first 30-60 minutes has increased my metabolism and makes me less cranky throughout the day.
• Drink water! I try to do a gallon a day. I have a water bottle with me at all times. It typically fits in my purse :) You don't have to drink a gallon a day. Typically, a lot of people when trying it for the first time feel very full and have to pee a lot, but that means your body is getting rid of toxins! 
• Vitamin B Complex. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since junior high. I'm a very emotional person and with stress, it gets worse. My anxiety can make sick and my depression turns me into the biggest dragon lady EVER! Laura introduced it to me (I quit taking anti depressants and mood stabilizers) and the vitamin b has helped so much! I have more energy in the morning. I really think it turned me into a morning person, Ha. I am able to handle stressful situations. My phases of being depressed don't last as long. I used to go through months, but now I haven't been depressed for longer than 10 days at a time. 
• Eat Clean. Eating clean means different things to different people. Don't let others tell you what clean it is. Of course, if you're eating Hamburger Helper with a soda, that isn't clean eating. To me I identify clean eating as: no processed foods, anything in a box I typically stay away from. Food that has been already cooked down and I have to re-cook...NO! Example: tv dinners. I eat more veggies and fruits than I ever have before. If it grows and comes from a tree or the ground, EAT IT! When it comes to carbs, I mad the personal decision to cut back A LOT. 6 months ago I would have pasta with every single meal as a side. Now, I'll have bread or pasta maybe once or twice a week. When it comes to bread and pasta whole wheat is the way to go. I have done a lot of research and have found that when people turn away carbs all together they tend to gain weight back later, faster. I want my body to have carbs ocassionally, especially depending on my workout schedule. 
• Plan Ahead. Some people can sit down and plan a whole month of meals out in a calendar. I can't. My budget for food varies on other bills, so I typically have anywhere from $130-200 every two weeks. Yes, that seems like a lot. Trust me the first few shopping trips, I was blown away at how much "clean eating" costs. But, if you buy produce at a good health food store, the food lasts longer. I get all my groceries at Costco. Buying in bulk does save some money. It's just myself in my household so if I need little things I will go to a different health food store. Don't go grocery shopping on a hungry stomach. Make a list and stick to it. I know where I need to go in the store before I go, so I don't run down every single aisle until I get to the produce. I go straight to the produce and then the coolers for my meat and other veggies. 
• Meals. There are a lot of different websites and charts you can find about portions. I know some people who literally weigh out every single thing they put in their mouth. Typically, a lot of them are also calorie counters. That's not me. I know that portions play a huge role in eating, you don't want to over eat. I eat 3 main meals with two snacks throughout the day. I try to eat every 2-3 hours. Small portions. I am never feeling hungry during the day (unless I have a hard workout right before dinner). 
• Counting Calories. Surprise, surprise. I don't count calories. I used to. I obsessed over it for almost a month. I used My Fitness Pal as an app and it is amazing. I would freak out if I went over or had too many carbs or didn't work out enough during my workouts. Counting literally caused me to quit. It was too much. Instead, I use the method's described above. However, if I'm eating out or am trying something for the first time, I will read the label (if provided) or search for it in My Fitness Pal. It's good to have knowledge about what's going in your body. I know a few people who count calories and it works for them, I think that's great, but I'm not one of them. 
• Workouts. Everyone has to start somewhere. We can't have progress pictures if we don't take the initiative and START! I started by hiking. Laura and I started with doing about a 20-30 minute hike a few times a week. It was about building endurance and using muscles that probably hadn't been used in MONTHS! Once we did that, we kicked it up a notch and hiked farther and for longer. After about a month and a half of hiking we started circuits. Circuits are my favorite! Helps with focusing on certain body parts or just getting a full over body workout. I also decided to start running a mile. I wanted to improve my time and really push myself. I'm still learning a lot about workouts and what my body needs and wants when it comes to exercise. I encourage YouTube! Jillian Michaels is a beast and she has some great workouts on there. 

• Weigh Ins. Some people don't even own a scale, that's great! I envy that, but I started at 242 lbs on April 6 (my highest weight being 253 in October 2012) and I know that I need to weigh in. I told myself I would weigh in every Saturday. Since then, I've done pretty well. Lately, I found myself getting obsessed with the numbers so I decided to take a 2 week break from it. I'm finding that I know I'm losing inches because old clothes are fitting finally or that something I wore two weeks ago is loose. It's a good feeling. Sometimes it's great to focus on the way we FEEL instead of how much weight we've lost. However, I think the scale helps keep me accountable! 

I know this is a lot of information to take it. I'm sorry it's so long and such a ramble, but these are some changes I've made and I'm seeing progress. 

Get out there and get moving! 

xoxo.

 

Body Love

Do you love your body?

I've never loved my body. Not in junior high, not in high school, and definitely not in the past 3 years. 

I used to blame my body for what I was actually doing. 

Yes, I have PCOS, and yes it's a horrible syndrome to have and have to live with. But, it was my choice not to take control and do what all 4 doctors told me to do. I'm the one who didn't look to the future and realize that I needed to take control when I was 18. Being 16 and diagnosed, I didn't want to emotionally deal with it. I wanted to be a kid and enjoy my life without having to watch what I ate or exercise daily. 

 
 So many women I know say "I hate my boobs". "I hate my arm fat". "My thighs don't have a gap". "I need to lose 5 lbs". "My face is still fat". "I wish I had back dimples". "I hate how I can't get the extra weight off".

Now, don't get me wrong, I think wanting to improve yourself and seeing what your body can actually do is a great and beautiful thing! I never knew what our bodies were capable of until I started working out. 

The thing that gets me is the fact that some women could be a LOT worse...they could be obese or have major health problems. As women, we need to stop complaining! The effort and time we put in to only complaining and hating our bodies (typically with several other women at a time) could be transformed into something positive! If one person in that group of women who are complaining would speak up and say "lets go for a hike" or "who wants to try to run a mile?" instead of negativity, I think our mind set and thought patterns would change dramatically. 

Every woman has the right to control her body. I've believed that from a young age. No one can tell me what I should or need to do to my body. If I'm going to do something, it's because it's what I think I need or what I simply WANT. So, it really comes down to what we do for our bodies; the good and the bad. 

I never thought about it this way until recently but we are responsible for our bodies. It's the ONLY one we get. We have to nurture, love, cherish, and encourage it! That means we also get to change it. Changes can come from a lot of different meanings, but I just want to encourage every one to change in positive way! 

Today, I found myself looking in the mirror and for the first time in my life I appreciated my body. I was proud of it. I put on my jeans and tank top and walked out of my house confident. Not because my body is where I want it to be, but because I see improvements, I see changes being made. Although I know I'm the one getting up doing the workouts and preparing healthy meals, I'm finally LOVING my body. I guess I should say thank you to myself and every person that has inspired, encouraged, and helped me get to this point. Because of those simple acts, I'm falling in love with my body and what it can do. 

I know that there are women out there with eating disorders and mentally have issues accepting their bodies, but I just hope and pray for every single one of them that they turn that mind set from what their phsyical appearance looks like to a mental state first. If we can change what we think, our actions will follow, and ultimately we will find a love and apprecaite and most of all a profound amount of respect for ourselves and especially our bodies. 

I know this is a bit of a rant, but I was thinking about it today and then when a friend, Annie on Instagram made a comment about how inspiring it is that I was talking positive about my body...I thought...'I think this is a first for me...' 

I hope someone gets something from this post and it encourages them to think twice before they start mentally and verbally abusing themselves by talking bad about their body. 

Evaluate, refocus, and keep giving it your all! :)

I weighed in this morning. The scale says I gained 2 lbs since Wednesday. After rethinking all of my meals, I think the amount of starches and sodium could play a role. I don't "feel" like I gained weight this week, I honestly think it's water weight from the sodium and starches. On Wed, I weighed 227.2 (and no, I don't weigh myself daily). 

 

I didn't feel bad at all about the numbers on the scale. It wasn't the best, I admitt it, but I didn't let it get me down. Instead, I focused on the run I did the night before. Yes, I did my first EVER 30 minute run. I did intervals of sprinting, jogging, and power walking. I praised myself for accomplishing that, and also for the fact that when I went to brush my teeth I saw a little something in the mirror...

That's right: some collar bone definition!!! :) 

 

I'm really excited about the changes I'm seeing. I see definition in my arms and legs. The simple fact that I ran last night still has me on cloud nine!! :D 

This morning's breakfast: 2 veggie patties, 1/2 cup egg white with one whole egg and a kiwi. The red stuff is ketchup :/ moderation is key!

 

 

Today's lunch: I tried the Weight Water's chicken patties (4 oz each) with a lettuce bun, light cheese, and tomato slice. On the side I had a protein shake: 4 ice cubs, 1 whole banana, 1/2 a cup of organice fat free milk, and my metabolic drive banana protein powder! Yummy!!! :D 

 

 

 

For dinner I had a salad at my sister's house and literally a bite of my brother's homemade lasagna. I will NOT have starchy foods this week. I'm going to see if that makes a difference. It's all about learning about my body!

Progress picture! Today marks exactly 5 weeks since I decided to change my life! :) I can't wait to see what is to come!

 

 

After my circuit workout! :) Felt great!

A Number Doesn't Determine My Happiness.

This morning, before I got on the scale I decided to look in the mirror and take notice of any and all changes I was seeing in my body. 

• My shoulders are definitely becoming more defined :) 
• My waist is getting smaller. 
• My calves are very strong
• My face is thinning out
• My skin is clear, even after my period
• I'm toning up my butt....yes...I said it, I am starting to see a butt. :) 

Here is a pic of today! :) Before I went to pop some tags at yard sales in town. Haha

So by taking notice of all of these changes and subtle improvements I decided that the number on the scale wouldn't change my mind about how proud I am. Having had my period all week, Laura did mention that my body would take a couple days after I finished with my period to level out. I finished my period Friday morning so I know that the next couple of days the numbers could still change. Either way, I'm going to work hard, eat right, and continue to do what I've been doing. When the weight comes off it comes off. I definately can tell I've lost inches. I put on shirts and dresses that were tight last week! :) YAY! I'm going to have Laura take measurements this week and we will check them every 2 weeks! 

So, here is the number from this morning. 

The last weigh in was 232.8 so at least this week I didn't gain. It wasn't as large of a loss as I had hoped, but give it a day or two and I'm sure the numbers will budge some more! Keep going!!!!

 So, after weighing in, yard saleing, and then going to Laura's family BBQ, I spent some time relaxing and running errands. Such a busy Saturday!!! Tomorrow I plan on either hiking or getting some cardio in either way. 

Today was my rest day, which I needed! When I was at Costco I had a stupid idea to have a polish dog. I believe that I can't deprive myself and due to the fact that in 4 weeks I have followed a very strict 90/10 rule of eating clean verses not...I am doing damn good. 

So, eating that polish dog wasn't the brightest idea I've had. It immediately made me sick. Goes to show you just how much better you feel while eating clean and healthy! I'm glad I had this little reminder as a way of saying "Keep doing what you're doing...you're body appreciates it". I don't feel guilty about eating the polish dog, I do know that it won't happen again because it made me feel miserable and I know that my next "cheat" won't be for another few weeks. I'm content with that. I don't feel deprived. I feel like I HAVE CONTROL OVER FOOD. 

Sometimes, you just have to strip everything away and feel great about the person you're becoming. 

The Numbers....April 20, 2013

I'm practically having anxiety as I type right now. I'm a very quiet person when it comes to my weight, and for so long I've been embarrassed to even "hint" at what I could weigh. I know that if I want to be held accountable and reminded of my weekly progress and even inspired to work harder, putting these numbers up every week is what I need to do. 

I told myself that if people following my blog are taking the time to read everything, I better put it ALL out there. 
 

I weighed in on April 6, with an empty bladder, so every Saturday that's when I weigh in.

I was just keeping track of the numbers on my "notes" on my phone. The following week, I weighed in again and the number was going down a bit! :) 

Here is this morning's number....from the scale itself. 

I hope you can see the numbers...it says 233.8. Next week I'll take a better pic of the scale. 

 

 

 

I see these numbers and I'm so ashamed, ashamed that I let my weight get this bad...I know at one point I just decided to ignore it. I chose to blame it on my PCOS. I know getting PCOS was a large part in the weight gain, but I shouldn't have allowed the illness to take over. I should have tried harder to prevent the weight from adding on. 

But, instead of beating myself up, I'm going to continue to work as hard as ever and make those numbers keep going down each week. I'm glad I decided to do this at 21, instead of 40 or 50. 

Thank you all who have encouraged, supported, and wrote amazing messages on here and on Facebook through this very vulnerable time. I appreciate you all! :)  

Inspiration

 

This is so true!

Thank you Chelsea Soper for the motivation this morning on Instagram. This is now my screen saver on my computer & on my phone. You're an amazing friend to support and encourage me daily. XOXO.