Determined, Friendly, and Courageous.

I'll be honest, I'm currently fighting back tears typing this. It's funny because I haven't really sat down and cried in almost 3 months. Before I started working out and eating clean, I would literally cry at EVERYTHING! I would have small little break downs probably twice a week. I would think about something, focus on it for a long time and eventually my emotions would take over. I've always been an emotional person, I joke and say "I get it from my momma". She is probably the most emotional human being on the planet, but her heart is the size of Texas, so for that I envy her.

But as of lately, I have noticed I haven't sat down and really "cried my eyes out" in almost three months. I would like to give credit to the Vitamin B Complex I take daily. It really is better than any anti depressant, mood stabilizer, or big piece of pie that I used to use to make myself happy. Lately, the few times I have cried was out of sadness (leaving home from vacation, watching my sister graduation, etc). So, to my surprise when I read a posting from Dannii Martin ( a blogger from the UK who has lost 98 lbs and has kept it off for nearly 2 years s) I found myself crying I had a "Why the heck are you crying!" moment. 

Dannii posted on her Facebook challenge page "Today's task is to think about yourself more positively. Start off with "I am" and then follow it with 3 positive words to describe yourself. I will start - I am ambitious, honest and loyal. Go!"

Now, this simple act of self reflection has now caused me to blog and get a bit emotional. Why? Because my 3 words are, "dedicated, friendly, and courageous". When I came up with the word "dedicated" I immediately went back to April 6. I remember the conversation I had with Laura on our first hike. I chose to hike behind her and her daughter, because at 242 lbs, I was having a hard time breathing, I was embarrassed, and I just didn't want anyone to "see" me like that.

I remember Laura started talking about her struggle and her journey. I listened and realized, she was there one, she was doing exactly what I was doing. She was out of breath, she was embarassed, she struggled. But she did it. Then, immediately after, I remember thinking "but she has self control. she's dedicated." So out loud I said, "I'm just not dedicated. I have zero self control." 

Looking back, honestly, I think that was the moment I had the mental shift. I admitted to my fault, I admitted to what I felt was the reason I had let my health become so poorly. I knew I had control and dedication in other areas of my life, but why not my health? In the moments following that, I became mad. I remember getting mad when I felt like my lungs weren't getting air. I was mad that I was going so slow. I decided that day to find, make, or train myself to have self control. 

Since that day, almost 12 weeks ago, I haven't really come back to that thought until today. Dannii's post made me revisit that. And even though the past 3 months have gone by so fast, and I am still changing and growing every single day, and today was a big moment for me. Because I'm proud to say that I'm dedicated. I'm proud to say that I have self control. Yes, we all cheat and we all indulge, that's healthy. I told myself I would indulge in the sake of my sanity. But, I have self control. I'm controlling my body. I work out 6 times a week, I prepare healthy, clean meals. I drink a gallon of water a day, I make time for myself. I always think about what's going into my body. 

I can't express the amount of pride I have right now. Yes, I've lost weight and inches in the past three months. I fit into old clothes, my "fat clothes" fall off of me. But, more than all of those victories, I'm proud of myself. I have faith in myself and my abilities better myself. Today was a HUGE emotional/mental win for me. 

Click here for Dannii's blog information. Also, if you'd like to join her group on Facebook, they are doing a 100 days of summer challenge. It has thousands of people who are encouraging each other, from all over the world.

Helpful Changes :)

So, I started this journey and my priority was to help myself. I would ask for help from friends if I needed it because I knew I was bettering myself by doing so. I asked Laura for help and I'm grateful she agreed. She lost her weight and wanted to inspire and help other women. 

I didn't know that I would be inspiring people along the way. I didn't know that my friends and family would come to me for advice or just tell me on a daily basis that they saw me workout so they did the workout I posted on Instagram. I'm amazed at the amount of support and encouragement throughout this journey. 

I want to clairfy, I still have a lot to learn. When it comes to nutrition, I know the basics. If I see or hear a term that I don't know what it means, I will research the heck out of it. I know what my body needs by now and I listen to it! As for workouts, I obviously know the importance of cardio--to shed pounds. But I'm also learning that lifting weights will help shed pounds as well! Lifting weights isn't going to make you huge and buff right away, it aids in the effort to loose weight while gaining muscle. 

Now the following are tips/hints/changes that either Laura introduced me to, or that I have found along the way. I do everything on the list and for the most part, I see the benefits. :) I am not a doctor nor a medical professional.

• Getting PLENTY of sleep. I'm a night owl and HATE mornings so this was one of the hardest. Trying to get at least 7-8 hours a night was the biggest struggle. Our bodies do so much while we are sleeping and it's important. I think of sleep as fuel for my workouts the next day. 
• Eat Breakfast. I am not a breakfast person, probably because I'm not a morning person. I would usually eat "breakfast" and it would be my lunch hour. Sometimes I would wake up at 8 am and not eat until 1 or 2 because I was busy at work and I didn't think I was hungry. This often lead to my lunch at 2 being a huge wrap or a hamburger or something equally bad. Now, eating within the first 30-60 minutes has increased my metabolism and makes me less cranky throughout the day.
• Drink water! I try to do a gallon a day. I have a water bottle with me at all times. It typically fits in my purse :) You don't have to drink a gallon a day. Typically, a lot of people when trying it for the first time feel very full and have to pee a lot, but that means your body is getting rid of toxins! 
• Vitamin B Complex. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since junior high. I'm a very emotional person and with stress, it gets worse. My anxiety can make sick and my depression turns me into the biggest dragon lady EVER! Laura introduced it to me (I quit taking anti depressants and mood stabilizers) and the vitamin b has helped so much! I have more energy in the morning. I really think it turned me into a morning person, Ha. I am able to handle stressful situations. My phases of being depressed don't last as long. I used to go through months, but now I haven't been depressed for longer than 10 days at a time. 
• Eat Clean. Eating clean means different things to different people. Don't let others tell you what clean it is. Of course, if you're eating Hamburger Helper with a soda, that isn't clean eating. To me I identify clean eating as: no processed foods, anything in a box I typically stay away from. Food that has been already cooked down and I have to re-cook...NO! Example: tv dinners. I eat more veggies and fruits than I ever have before. If it grows and comes from a tree or the ground, EAT IT! When it comes to carbs, I mad the personal decision to cut back A LOT. 6 months ago I would have pasta with every single meal as a side. Now, I'll have bread or pasta maybe once or twice a week. When it comes to bread and pasta whole wheat is the way to go. I have done a lot of research and have found that when people turn away carbs all together they tend to gain weight back later, faster. I want my body to have carbs ocassionally, especially depending on my workout schedule. 
• Plan Ahead. Some people can sit down and plan a whole month of meals out in a calendar. I can't. My budget for food varies on other bills, so I typically have anywhere from $130-200 every two weeks. Yes, that seems like a lot. Trust me the first few shopping trips, I was blown away at how much "clean eating" costs. But, if you buy produce at a good health food store, the food lasts longer. I get all my groceries at Costco. Buying in bulk does save some money. It's just myself in my household so if I need little things I will go to a different health food store. Don't go grocery shopping on a hungry stomach. Make a list and stick to it. I know where I need to go in the store before I go, so I don't run down every single aisle until I get to the produce. I go straight to the produce and then the coolers for my meat and other veggies. 
• Meals. There are a lot of different websites and charts you can find about portions. I know some people who literally weigh out every single thing they put in their mouth. Typically, a lot of them are also calorie counters. That's not me. I know that portions play a huge role in eating, you don't want to over eat. I eat 3 main meals with two snacks throughout the day. I try to eat every 2-3 hours. Small portions. I am never feeling hungry during the day (unless I have a hard workout right before dinner). 
• Counting Calories. Surprise, surprise. I don't count calories. I used to. I obsessed over it for almost a month. I used My Fitness Pal as an app and it is amazing. I would freak out if I went over or had too many carbs or didn't work out enough during my workouts. Counting literally caused me to quit. It was too much. Instead, I use the method's described above. However, if I'm eating out or am trying something for the first time, I will read the label (if provided) or search for it in My Fitness Pal. It's good to have knowledge about what's going in your body. I know a few people who count calories and it works for them, I think that's great, but I'm not one of them. 
• Workouts. Everyone has to start somewhere. We can't have progress pictures if we don't take the initiative and START! I started by hiking. Laura and I started with doing about a 20-30 minute hike a few times a week. It was about building endurance and using muscles that probably hadn't been used in MONTHS! Once we did that, we kicked it up a notch and hiked farther and for longer. After about a month and a half of hiking we started circuits. Circuits are my favorite! Helps with focusing on certain body parts or just getting a full over body workout. I also decided to start running a mile. I wanted to improve my time and really push myself. I'm still learning a lot about workouts and what my body needs and wants when it comes to exercise. I encourage YouTube! Jillian Michaels is a beast and she has some great workouts on there. 

• Weigh Ins. Some people don't even own a scale, that's great! I envy that, but I started at 242 lbs on April 6 (my highest weight being 253 in October 2012) and I know that I need to weigh in. I told myself I would weigh in every Saturday. Since then, I've done pretty well. Lately, I found myself getting obsessed with the numbers so I decided to take a 2 week break from it. I'm finding that I know I'm losing inches because old clothes are fitting finally or that something I wore two weeks ago is loose. It's a good feeling. Sometimes it's great to focus on the way we FEEL instead of how much weight we've lost. However, I think the scale helps keep me accountable! 

I know this is a lot of information to take it. I'm sorry it's so long and such a ramble, but these are some changes I've made and I'm seeing progress. 

Get out there and get moving! 

xoxo.

 

Sometimes You Have a Bad Day

Well, I didn't workout today. Instead, I cleaned my entire house. For breakfast I had 1/3 cup egg whites with one whole egg (eating just egg whites all the time gets boring...no matter how much you jazz them up), I added lean turkey, tomato, and reduced fat cheese to the eggs. On the side I had two veggie patties and one kiwi. It was protein packed and delicious. 

I was so busy cleaning house all afternoon I didn't realize what time it was until roughly 5pm so I decided to wait until dinner (bad idea).  

For dinner I made quartered roasted red potatoes with pita pizzas and green beans (from the can)...I think I was getting lazy. 

I ate more potatoes than I should have and the green beans just felt bad...(not fresh...isn't the same!). 

For dessert I had a little packet of the Skinny Cow Clusters (120 calories per packet). The chocolate was a nice treat. 

Today, I could have done the following to make it a better day:

Go for a walk before the snow hit! 
Eat every 2-3 hours like I have been to boost my metabolism
Drink more water
Added a salad to my dinner so I wouldn't have had so many potatoes


But, because I know we all have bad days, I plan on KILLING IT on a workout tomorrow to make up for today. I just need to stay focused even on days that are a little "off". I'm just glad I didn't have bad stuff in my house...makes eating healthy a little easier. 

I hope everyone is staying warm and out of the snow!