A Number Doesn't Determine My Happiness.

This morning, before I got on the scale I decided to look in the mirror and take notice of any and all changes I was seeing in my body. 

• My shoulders are definitely becoming more defined :) 
• My waist is getting smaller. 
• My calves are very strong
• My face is thinning out
• My skin is clear, even after my period
• I'm toning up my butt....yes...I said it, I am starting to see a butt. :) 

Here is a pic of today! :) Before I went to pop some tags at yard sales in town. Haha

So by taking notice of all of these changes and subtle improvements I decided that the number on the scale wouldn't change my mind about how proud I am. Having had my period all week, Laura did mention that my body would take a couple days after I finished with my period to level out. I finished my period Friday morning so I know that the next couple of days the numbers could still change. Either way, I'm going to work hard, eat right, and continue to do what I've been doing. When the weight comes off it comes off. I definately can tell I've lost inches. I put on shirts and dresses that were tight last week! :) YAY! I'm going to have Laura take measurements this week and we will check them every 2 weeks! 

So, here is the number from this morning. 

The last weigh in was 232.8 so at least this week I didn't gain. It wasn't as large of a loss as I had hoped, but give it a day or two and I'm sure the numbers will budge some more! Keep going!!!!

 So, after weighing in, yard saleing, and then going to Laura's family BBQ, I spent some time relaxing and running errands. Such a busy Saturday!!! Tomorrow I plan on either hiking or getting some cardio in either way. 

Today was my rest day, which I needed! When I was at Costco I had a stupid idea to have a polish dog. I believe that I can't deprive myself and due to the fact that in 4 weeks I have followed a very strict 90/10 rule of eating clean verses not...I am doing damn good. 

So, eating that polish dog wasn't the brightest idea I've had. It immediately made me sick. Goes to show you just how much better you feel while eating clean and healthy! I'm glad I had this little reminder as a way of saying "Keep doing what you're doing...you're body appreciates it". I don't feel guilty about eating the polish dog, I do know that it won't happen again because it made me feel miserable and I know that my next "cheat" won't be for another few weeks. I'm content with that. I don't feel deprived. I feel like I HAVE CONTROL OVER FOOD. 

Sometimes, you just have to strip everything away and feel great about the person you're becoming. 

The Numbers....April 20, 2013

I'm practically having anxiety as I type right now. I'm a very quiet person when it comes to my weight, and for so long I've been embarrassed to even "hint" at what I could weigh. I know that if I want to be held accountable and reminded of my weekly progress and even inspired to work harder, putting these numbers up every week is what I need to do. 

I told myself that if people following my blog are taking the time to read everything, I better put it ALL out there. 
 

I weighed in on April 6, with an empty bladder, so every Saturday that's when I weigh in.

I was just keeping track of the numbers on my "notes" on my phone. The following week, I weighed in again and the number was going down a bit! :) 

Here is this morning's number....from the scale itself. 

I hope you can see the numbers...it says 233.8. Next week I'll take a better pic of the scale. 

 

 

 

I see these numbers and I'm so ashamed, ashamed that I let my weight get this bad...I know at one point I just decided to ignore it. I chose to blame it on my PCOS. I know getting PCOS was a large part in the weight gain, but I shouldn't have allowed the illness to take over. I should have tried harder to prevent the weight from adding on. 

But, instead of beating myself up, I'm going to continue to work as hard as ever and make those numbers keep going down each week. I'm glad I decided to do this at 21, instead of 40 or 50. 

Thank you all who have encouraged, supported, and wrote amazing messages on here and on Facebook through this very vulnerable time. I appreciate you all! :)