Two or three weeks ago, I got a membership at Missoula Title Boxing Club. I had gone for 3 weeks in November and honestly loved the workouts and the results I saw. I was hooked, so I made the investment. It isn't just the results, it's the desire and passion to get up and go every day...what else could I want?
I decided I wanted to FINALLY jump into the idea/plan of getting a personal trainer. I took classes from almost every trainer at the gym and decided that Rachel would push me yet be someone I could lean on when things seemed to get tough. Support & tough love are a must during this journey. Trust me :)
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| Krystal & I after one of first 5:30 am workout classes! |
So, I got a trainer, sent her information about me & on Tuesday February February 4 I had my consultation and first session. I hadn't worked out in almost a week and the weekend before was my birthday weekend. I knew I'd struggle because what she was going to have me do was probably stuff I hadn't done before.
I listened, paid attention, and did work. I laughed, wanted to vomit, winced, pushed a little harder, almost gave up, and soaked in all the information she was giving me during sets. I was drenched in sweat and my body was trembling. I hadn't done weights in weeks (focusing on running time to time and skipping some workouts). It was a great eye opener. Now, what I'm going to explain...has taken me almost a week to TRY to put into words. I don't feel as embarrassed to share it with you because I had a friend tell me that it's completely normal and that she's done it from time to time. And thinking back, I've had this happen before but it smaller magnitudes.
When we finished my training session, my legs were shaking and my heart was racing and I couldn't run out of the building fast enough. I felt this sense of embarrassment but I couldn't figure it out? I was changing my shoes and my body was screaming for me to get out of the building. I needed to be alone. I felt embarrassed, but I kept telling myself 'you just did something that you would have never even thought of doing a few months ago'. I was talking down my mind but my body was screaming at me. Yes, I had just pushed it pretty hard so I was just trying to calm down. When the cold air and snow hit my face, I couldn't stop the tears. I fumbled with my keys, sunk into my car ,and sobbed while my body just shook.
I started my car and Katy Perry's song "Roar" came on and I continued to cry. I mean the kind of cry where there was snot rolling down my face into my mouth, mascara completely ruined, and abs hurting crying. Once I wiped my eyes dry, I started laughing. About absolutely nothing. After about 20 minutes of sitting in my car, I drove home. I had to remind myself to pay attention to what I was doing because I found myself going "blank" every couple of minutes. I was exhausted in ALL aspects.
I thought I was having a break down, and felt SOOO silly but after thinking about it; I think it comes down to three things.
1. What I'm doing in my life to better myself is VERY spiritual and emotional. I'm becoming in-tune with parts of my body, soul, and mind that I never knew existed. I'm learning something new about myself every single day. After almost a year, I'm still about to surprise myself every single day and that's the most gratifying and rewarding feeling ever.
2. I've started another Point A. I always LOVE tracking my progress by pictures and small goals and reaching them. I've put another "Point A" on my map. I've started a VERY big chapter by adding in more strength and having advice and support from a professional. I can ONLY become better from here on out!
3. I am proud. I'm becoming the person I want and know I can be. I am proud that I'm able to push a little harder and that I can ignore that voice in my head that tells me to give up. I worked past that voice that day and my body realized that it's capable of so much more than my mind knows!
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