Sunday, January 15, 2017

All In or All Out: BALANCE

I'm the definition of "all in or all out." I've struggled my whole life with finding balance in my life. In every aspect, I will either focus too intently or not care enough. I think it's because I'm passionate and have a lot of self control when I focus my time.

So...balance? What is that? What does it feel like? I'm sure it's those people in magazines or on tv shows that are super happy and content in life because they've achieved the ultimate balance in life. I'm totally kidding. But, that's what I associate balance with. Or, at least until recently.

Over the last year, I've struggled with Postpartum Depression, impulse to drink more than I normally do, and severe anxiety. My first step was stop going out a couple times a week to the bars. It was too much and I was becoming the one person I swore I broke the cycle against. I cut out alcohol unless it was at a restraunt and I limited myself to one drink. I think my anxiety used alcohol as a relaxer.

I eventually discovered Minimalism and purged my home of all items that served no purpose or brought joy. This helped my anxiety so much. This is an on going lifestyle and it has many meanings to each individual. I'll be sure to create a post about it sometime.

Once I was able to sit in peace and happiness in my home-I knew I needed to focus on my mental health. I reached out to other moms in my area and was recommended a therapist who focuses on the transition into motherhood. I started attending session in July. Best.Decision.I.Ever.Made.

Because of therapy and the fight in myself, I re-evaluated areas in my life that I wasn't fully happy in. Work became a large topic booming over my head. I loved my job in the sense that the students I worked with always seemed to be appreciative and they made it worthwhile. But I am also working toward a degree in Native American Studies/Anthropology and as an Admissions Coordinator, how would I utilize that degree? I was feeling stuck and needed more. I wanted to be excited to go to work-which realistically, I know it's how life works every single day. But I was having more "I don't want to go to work" days than I was having days I wanted to go into the office. Minimalism taught me to search for the joy and let go of the things that were holding me back. So, I did that.

At the beginning of November 2016, I applied for a different position. I didn't think I would get a call back, but I wanted to start the process of looking. By December 2, I was interviewed and offered the job. Shit got real, really fast.

Having been at my job for a month now, I'm extremely happy and since switching jobs, something switched inside of me. I'm making better choices, walking more, and taking time for myself. With the New Year in the rear view mirror, it was easy to start fresh and focus on weight loss.

So, here I am two weeks into 2017 and I'm finding that I don't have to cut out carbs to lose weight. I don't have to restrict myself to 1200 calories a day. I don't have to eat the same thing over and over.

I'm living life as a busy, working student mother and still eating healthy. Balance is 2017's goal. Balance ultimately is the goal of motherhood.

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