Over the course of 2 years, I've built up this fear of the gym and haven't stepped foot in one since June 21, 2014.
If you asked me before June 21, 2014 if I'd step away from the gym for that long, I would have laughed in your face. I was in the gym every single day or outside running/hiking. It was my therapy.
With a pregnancy that consisted of me puking daily and having no energy, it was put on the back burner. Then the birth of my daughter happened and single motherhood began. Shortly after that, postpartum depression and anxiety hit me hard. I faced demons I didn't know existed.
So, now that I've made such amazing progress in therapy and see myself as the person I want to be instead of who I am compared to who I was--I'm getting ready to sign up at the gym this week.
I've been sitting here for the past few nights thinking about my goals and what I'm going to do in the gym when I go in for the first time. I am scared shitless. Because I'm this person I'm not used to and I'm appalled that I'm nervous. Then, I remember all of those people 3 years ago that would tell me that I was an inspiration and that I helped them.
That's why I did what I did. That's why I'm nervous. That's why I'm dreading this.
I let those people down. I didn't stick with it. I should have tried harder. I should have helped them still, and inspired them.
See, this is where my therapy comes into play.
I experienced abandonment and loss and entered into a new life I knew nothing about. There is no good or bad way to approach that. I might have let those people down. But there are women out there with feelings and thoughts that mirror mine and someday, they will hear my story and say "You inspired me". And as much as I love to hear that, I'm going to know I inspired myself and I saved myself first and foremost.
So, to keep it short and simple this evening. Do not do anything but to please and better yourself. Others will see you shine and see your passion. If you keep others in mind while you act, you will lose yourself.
Lets do this for ourselves, because if we do-our kids will have us around much longer!