Tough Days

This is hard. 
It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do. 
It's harder than moving away from home, two states away. 
It's harder than leaving my best friend, my mom to take care of my two sisters while I was selfish and pursued my goals.  
It's harder than a break up, a recent break up. 

It hurts more than the monthly cysts I use to get from my PCOS.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, I knew it would take a lot of hard work, but I never thought it would be this big of a challenge. 

I know I'm doing great and I'm making progress, so I don't focus on the negatives, but there are some days where I CANNOT believe how bad I let this get! I get so mad at myself for allowing my depression, PCOS, and just blindness to take over. 

Today was tough. It was probably the one day in almost 4 weeks where I just didn't want to do anything! I didn't want to take the effort to eat clean or go hike. I didn't want to drink all my water. I wanted to just stay in bed. I know this is probably coming from my depression that I fight WITHOUT anti-depressants, but it's still a weird feeling. 

I want to and WILL make my -15 goal I have, and the drive in me is so deep and strong that my feelings of today really threw me off. 

So what I'm focusing on is: I DID EVERYTHING...even when I didn't want to. I ate great (had pasta for the first time in almost 4 weeks), went for a hike, did squats, and drank LOTS of water. I did it all...even when my mind was saying "Fuck it". 

Tomorrow is my last day to workout before I hit the scale on Saturday. I'm slightly worried about what it will say, but either way, this week I've accomplished a lot mentally and physically. I have done back to back circuits. Yeah, I felt like I was dying in the ccircuits, but I still finished them. Whatever happens Saturday morning, I will feel great :) 

Here are some pictures of today. 

Dinner: Whole wheat, thin pasta with chicken and red sauce, a salad, and corn from the can (I know, I know...but I'm running out of groceries!)

Coming down from the hike. I took a small water break at the switch back and then did 40 squats.

At work. Hair is growing!! :)

Lunch! Turkey burger, a salad with lean turkey on it and good ol water! :D

This is it. This is what I've been thinking about all week. Almost there! :D