National Eating Disorder Awareness Week

Today starts the week of being aware, educated, and inspired. "Everybody knows somebody" is the theme this year for the National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. 

Do you know someone who struggles with body image/ personal love that leads to an altered/unhealthy relationship with food. Or maybe someone who has an addiction to food that leads to guilt and body issues? 

Me. 

I'm a binge eater. I hear people tell me that it could be worse. I agree, but don't let that fool you to think that I'm healthy and fit all the time. I still struggle every single day with having to make the right choices and not let my emotions and stress/anxiety triggers take over. I know my issues are severely caused by emotional/mental hurdles and I'm making the necessary steps to process. 

My journey started with weight loss, to look and feel healthier. I started with small goals in mind and even a couple of long term goals. I wanted to work toward a body that can lift heavy, keep up with high intense situations, and allow me to do things I've never done. In all of those outward-body related goals, I rejected to make mental hurdles. I feel slightly stunted in my mental/emotional strength. It's a work in progress, every single day. 

Now, my goals is body image and self love. How can we change the way we view ourselves? Do we start with making the rest of the world see us in a different light, or do we simply embrace our bodies and disregard others? Both sound almost impossible. People will think what they want about me and my body. I'm sure when I reach my long term goal, people will have negative things to say, and I'm okay with that. The thing is, I'm not staying constant-I'm striving to evolve daily and become a better version of myself as time continues on. 

We need to STOP pointing out our negatives or flaws. We will always wish and want what we don't have. (That's another topic in itself...to be continued). Instead of hating the bodies we do have, why don't we look ourselves in the mirror (naked if you are willing) focus on three positives (shoulders, length of legs, clear skin) and thank your body for all it has done so far. Now, start by enhancing or focusing on what you like to take it to "the next level". Example: I love my legs. Bigger or not, I love my legs and know that they can be defined and toned. I dedicate 2-3 days a day in the gym focusing on different leg workouts to strengthen and improve them. 

I see so many people say, "If you don't like what you have, change it!". To an extent, I completely agree, because I know it can be done. However, it's a scary thought and sometimes can be too hard to imagine. So, instead of focusing on a negative and working to change it completely; I really like focusing on what I already love and watch "it" change/improve to "wow" myself even more. 

Slowly but surely, you will find it in yourself to trust and love your body enough to change any "problem areas". My stomach is ALWAYS my main concern, but I don't do 3 hours of cardio a day to make it go away. I know that's unrealistic. I work toward lessening my body fat, however, my legs changing and my skin becoming more clear really makes me fall in love with my body overall. 

I hope this gives a small insight to how I slowly started to regain love for my body and the love I found when I realized what I could accomplish by working hard and eating clean, wholesome foods. This is what we should focus on every single day, but I encourage you to try wholeheartedly this week while people are recognized for their recovery, and while others find the strength to reach out for help.

When it comes to food I have a couple of simple tips: 1. Cooke with color! Have fun with food by adding in various colors. 2. Balanced meals should contain lean protein, veggies, complex carbs, fruit, healthy fats. 3. Eat more! When you're eating wholesome, clean food, please do not feel you need to restrict yourself to 1200 calories. Calories cannot measure nutrients! 

Now here's a simple recipe I like to have. It's simple, fast, and delicious.

Chelsea Loves Pasta & Pesto

•  1 cup (or 3/4) of whole wheat or veggie pasta. Cook until ready.
• 1 half skinless chicken breast (season and cook to your liking-I use Mrs. Dash garlic & herb blend). Cut in small pieces before or after cooking.
• Hand full of grape tomatoes, halved. 
• Hand full of spinach.
• 1 tsp of basil pesto.

Mental Health

Binge. Eating "issue". Disorder. Therapy. Count calories. Don't count calories. Just stop already. Struggle. Weak. Uncontrollable. Addicted. Powerless. Triggers. Hopeless. Defeated. Worthless.

Screw that.

I had this thought a few months ago after a McDonald's binge episode that my journey didn't mean as much as those who don't binge. My success and my work wasn't up to par. After all, I was hindering any progress because of the choices I was making in that drive thru.

Bullshit.

I'm this weak creature that doesn't have control over what goes into my body 24/7. I give my all for days, eating clean and feeling great to only throw it away because I can't find the "urge" to say no. 

Ridiculous.

I'm addicted to food. It holds a power over me that sometimes I can't explain.

Accurate.

My head and body don't work together all the time. My body strives for progress and for changes, I feel it getting "bored" when I'm at the same place for too long. My mind tells me I want bad food. It says that fast food or sugar filled processed junk will make me feel better. The stress of work, life, relationships, dealing with death, and trying to have it all together all the time seems to disappear for those few moments that the sandwich, ice cream, candy bar touches my mouth.

I had my first counseling appointment yesterday. I'm sure as the week goes on, I'll piece it together more and more and certain things will stand out, but here is an overview of what I took away from the session and what I plan to keep in the back of my mind this week...just as a start.

• The times of my episodes happen(ed) when stress levels rise. When trauma happens, I give up completely on trying to prevent episodes. I close up and don't sort through the pain and issues. 
• When I feel stressed, I need to take a moment and remember a memory that has an emotional connection. An emotion that I find inspiring. I need to either sit, close my eyes, focus on deep belly filled breathes and place myself in the situation and scenery all over again. Example: the day I ran up the Hidden Trail behind my house in less than 15 minutes instead of walking it in 40 minutes. That feeling I got when I put my hands behind my head, closed my eyes, took deep breathes to give my lungs a little more life, and opened my eyes to see the river, houses, mountains, valley, and trees surrounding myself. The beauty that I found in that moment...a moment that can never be taken away from me.The moment I smiled when tears ran down my face because I was proud of myself.
• In a sense, my anxiety has lessened by a lot, but it has manifested to wanting to over eat. 
• When I want or get the idea to binge, the only thing that stops the thoughts is actually doing it. So, I'm going to try this instead: picture a new goal. A goal that will take a lot of hard work and dedication to accomplish. Something I may think I can't accomplish, but a goal that I have a passion to succeed at. Picture my surrounding, the feeling that could possibly come with it (lets face it, it will probably be 100 times better than what I think). Sit in that moment and realize that binging isn't going to help my goals. 

Some things that became crystal clear as I walked out of the session.

• This is mental. Time to strengthen my spirit, soul, and mind. 
• I'm no less than anyone else on a weight loss journey or living a healthy lifestyle. I'm simply having to focus on different aspects to make it all work. 
• I felt better saying everything out loud.
• I'm excited to challenge myself why being kind to my mind and body.

Have a great Tuesday! Make this week better than last!

Personal Trainer Melt Down

Lets play catch up real quick.

Two or three weeks ago, I got a membership at Missoula Title Boxing Club. I had gone for 3 weeks in November and honestly loved the workouts and the results I saw. I was hooked, so I made the investment. It isn't just the results, it's the desire and passion to get up and go every day...what else could I want?

I decided I wanted to FINALLY jump into the idea/plan of getting a personal trainer. I took classes from almost every trainer at the gym and decided that Rachel would push me yet be someone I could lean on when things seemed to get tough. Support & tough love are a must during this journey. Trust me :) 

Krystal & I after one of first 5:30 am workout classes!

So, I got a trainer, sent her information about me & on Tuesday February February 4 I had my consultation and first session. I hadn't worked out in almost a week and the weekend before was my birthday weekend. I knew I'd struggle because what she was going to have me do was probably stuff I hadn't done before. 

I listened, paid attention, and did work. I laughed, wanted to vomit, winced, pushed a little harder, almost gave up, and soaked in all the information she was giving me during sets. I was drenched in sweat and my body was trembling. I hadn't done weights in weeks (focusing on running time to time and skipping some workouts). It was a great eye opener. Now, what I'm going to explain...has taken me almost a week to TRY to put into words. I don't feel as embarrassed to share it with you because I had a friend tell me that it's completely normal and that she's done it from time to time. And thinking back, I've had this happen before but it smaller magnitudes.

When we finished my training session, my legs were shaking and my heart was racing and I couldn't run out of the building fast enough. I felt this sense of embarrassment but I couldn't figure it out? I was changing my shoes and my body was screaming for me to get out of the building. I needed to be alone. I felt embarrassed, but I kept telling myself 'you just did something that you would have never even thought of doing a few months ago'. I was talking down my mind but my body was screaming at me. Yes, I had just pushed it pretty hard so I was just trying to calm down. When the cold air and snow hit my face, I couldn't stop the tears. I fumbled with my keys, sunk into my car ,and sobbed while my body just shook.

I started my car and Katy Perry's song "Roar" came on and I continued to cry. I mean the kind of cry where there was snot rolling down my face into my mouth, mascara completely ruined, and abs hurting crying. Once I wiped my eyes dry, I started laughing. About absolutely nothing. After about 20 minutes of sitting in my car, I drove home. I had to remind myself to pay attention to what I was doing because I found myself going "blank" every couple of minutes. I was exhausted in ALL aspects. 

I thought I was having a break down, and felt SOOO silly but after thinking about it; I think it comes down to three things. 

1. What I'm doing in my life to better myself is VERY spiritual and emotional. I'm becoming in-tune with parts of my body, soul, and mind that I never knew existed. I'm learning something new about myself every single day. After almost a year, I'm still about to surprise myself every single day and that's the most gratifying and rewarding feeling ever.
2. I've started another Point A. I always LOVE tracking my progress by pictures and small goals and reaching them. I've put another "Point A" on my map. I've started a VERY big chapter by adding in more strength and having advice and support from a professional. I can ONLY become better from here on out! 
3. I am proud. I'm becoming the person I want and know I can be. I am proud that I'm able to push a little harder and that I can ignore that voice in my head that tells me to give up. I worked past that voice that day and my body realized that it's capable of so much more than my mind knows!

"Goals to Meet & Records to Break"

With my success of running on Friday and my emotional/mental victory I felt like a new woman! I knew my weekend would be very relaxed and full of activity to ensure that I "meet my goals and break records". 

Saturday was rest day! Boo ya! 

On Sunday, my friend Krystal and I went to my gym and had a 2 hour session of a full body workout. We did a 30 minute circuit ranging from burpees, squats, weighted squats, arm (focusing on triceps), and donkey kicks. Then, we spent a good hour on different machines focusing on legs and arms. We did 15 of the the heaviest weight we could tolerate, then 10 of the weight below X3. Then, we got on the treadmill but my shins were on fire, so I spent 20+minutes on the stair stepper while Krystal did intervals on the treadmill. We finished with 10 minutes in the sauna. Boy, did I feel it this morning! 

 This morning, (Monday-three day weekend!) I made 2 eggs with 7 grain oats (oatmeal) with a half a frozen banana and some dark chocolate peanut butter in it for some fuel before I headed to the gym. Once I got to the gym, I decided that no matter what I would be doing 40+ minutes on the treadmill. Once again, the shin splints came back. I decided to increase the incline and decrease the running speed so that it was a constant jog or power walk. I felt pretty good! I got to the point of realizing it didn't matter if I couldn't run, as long as I was sweating! I am looking into actual running shoes that are for my type of feet (I think some extra arch support while running will help). 

Morning Workout.

 I went home and put a whole chicken in my crock pot so I could have some delicious chicken for the week & had lunch. It was so beautiful out, I'm limiting how I describe the beauty because it's the end of January and it's like it's April out...I don't want to jinx it!

Haha. Anyway, I told myself I would go back to the gym to do weights but realized I was pretty sore from the day before and I didn't want to be inside. I headed out to the Hidden Trail behind my house! It's the trail/mountain that started it ALL! 

It was the first workout I did on April 6 and it was a "beast" that I had to battle time and time again. I found determination and passion on that trail and it's why I am the the person today! My first hike, it took me nearly 45 minutes to hike up the trail because of having to stop and having an anxiety attack every 10 minutes because I was telling myself I couldn't do it. Today, I ran up the trail in less than 15 minutes. I stopped, enjoyed the view, and did some stretching before I made my way back down. How amazing? I'm not going to talk about how out of shape I was or how sad I was 70+ lbs ago, because I'm so damn proud of what I did that day. I didn't give up and I kept going back. I'm only getting better! 

Tomorrow starts another work week, but I'm positive I'll make it to the gym each night like I did this last week. I'm so excited to see my transformation and journey continue. I've felt in a rut for months, still making small steps, but the reality is...this is life. I won't reach a goal weight and stay there just because. I will have to work at this for the rest of my life, but the differance between who I was months ago and who I am today, I'm okay with that! I'm excited to live a healthy life for years to come and find myself "surprised" by accomplishments I make each day. I always say that you need to surprise yourself in order to see change and progress! 

Have a fab week everyone, will update soon! 

Running Accomplishments & Finding Help

On Tuesday, I started to focus on running. I told a friend I would be running with her this year, and I made a promise to honor my friend/brother, Mamoru who is no longer with us on earth. He was one of my biggest supporters during my lifestyle change and in my everyday life, and I'm dedicating everything I do to "surprise myself" in his name. Every run, hike, milestone, accomplishment will have his name behind it. 

So, I started the week on Tuesday running 2 miles. I wasn't going for time, I just made sure I could run/walk do intervals for 2 miles. In different intervals I did 2 miles in 31:12. On Wednesday, I decided to go to 2.5 no matter what, but I wanted to see if I could beat my 2 mile mark and I also timed my first mile. I did a mile in 14:38 & beat my 2 mile time by 1:54. On Thursday, I decided to focus more on my arms. I did a circuit & then simply did a cool down walk at an incline. On Friday, I told myself that I wanted to beat my time of my mile of 14:38 because that wasn't good enough for me. I ran my warm up mile in 12:30 which shaved 2:08 off the previous one. Once I took the picture of the time, I thought to myself, 'you should run a 5k, see how it feels'. I hadn't ran/walked/jogged a 5k since October and I wasn't in shape like I was in October. I continued to run another 2.1 miles in 27:59. I had ran a 5k in 40.29. Is that good? It is for me!

I found myself sprinting at the end and hearing this voice in my head say, "You can do this, your lungs are fine, look ahead and run!" When I looked down and saw 2.09 I knew I did it. When I hit that stop button and put my hands on my head to continue my breathing, I started to cry while I was smiling. I had this sense of freedom from the thoughts of 'wow, a 5k the first week you're running, really?' or 'you should ease into this, take it slow'. I came back to the treadmill with the disinfectant spray and rag to wipe it down when the gentlemen next to me got my attention and extended his fist to congratulate me on my win against the voices in my head. 

With yesterdays win, I kept thinking of Mamoru and trying to wrap my head around that I will never feel his hugs or get a phone call from him. I had a friend say "Breathing feels weird when you miss someone so much". It's true. I sat on my couch last night, wrap up in a blanket, staring at his phone number in my phone, sobbing until I couldn't breathe. I let every emotion over-power my mental strength and I just cried until I had to gasp for air. What happened next, I know was a sign. I went to the bathroom to grab tissue and I stopped at the fridge, opened it, starred at the box of pizza my boyfriend ordered earlier and stood there until my eyes were dry. I watched myself grab the box and eat the entire content. I also saw myself crying, again after the binge. I closed the fridge and knew that it was my way of telling myself that the binge I was longing for wouldn't fix the emotional pain I was experiencing. 

What did I do? I drank another 24 oz of water and crawled in bed, said my prayers, and had a dream of running a marathon. All day I kept seeing that scenario play in my head and how it actually played out and I felt a sense of freedom and accomplishment. I made the decision that I will be seeing a counselor when school starts. There is a program on campus for students to discuss any eating issues. I need to focus on mental strength and knowing that I don't need to binge to overcome something painful. It's only harming me in another form.Running has been a saving grace for me this week. I am actually really excited to continue this journey. Of course, I'm still lifting and focusing on my overall goals, but I already see some definition in my stomach area that wasn't there on Tuesday and my legs seem stronger as well. Every time I've ran this week, I've felt a sense of relief or a wall break down; even relating to stresses at work, they seem to disappear and I'm able to mentally process the issues. Between seeing a counselor and running, I've got a pretty great therapy plan, I think. 

Today was my rest day, but I'm off to crawl into bed to prepare for a 2 hour workout with my good friend, Krystal at my gym in the morning. I'm excited to share with her some of my normal routine and just get some more exercise in. I'm feeling better than ever. 

xoxo

 

Too Much Passion?

If you're reading this you're either subscribed or you saw me post the link on my personal Facebook page. 

I want to start by addressing something that I'm sure many of you have thought or mentioned to your friends. 

You're annoyed at all the fitness related posts on my personal facebook page, right? My check-ins at the gym, motivational/inspiring pictures found off Pinterest, my progress pictures, talking about how much I love my new workout routine, or tagging all my friends about a FREE boxing class here in town.

I totally get it. When fitness/healthy eating was the last thing on my mind, it annoyed the crap out of me too. I hated it. But guess what? Every person I knew in that journey and who posted about it, inspired me in one way or another. They gave me ideas of different workouts, possiblibities, and their positivity was this "thing" I wanted to be a part of. I was just too lazy and not ready to start my own journey. 

I really have tried to downsize the amount of fitness related posts I post on Facebook. I try to stick to my Instagram (there's no way I'll ever downsize that, so get to stepping if you don't like that!). I enjoy facebook because a lot of friends and family from all over the world is on there and that's how we all know what's going on in one another lives.

While I will continue to not post as many fitness related posts, you have to understand one thing: I'm passionate. It's my life now. This isn't just a month or two where I want to "lose 5 pounds and tone up". This way of life is MY LIFE. I thrive and my happiness comes from my workouts, my clean eating, and making friends with the same common goals and interest. My support group here in Missoula, my friends who go to boxing classes with me or to the gym, they are a large part of my life. They are supporting me in my efforts to see what I really can do with my life. We support one another. So, I really don't want to say "if you don't like it, unfriend me", but the reality is...I will post about my life, and my life is different than it was a year ago. I would hope that my true friends and family would like to see me evolve and morph into this better version of myself. 

Those of you who tell me how great it is to see me posting about it and inspiring you, thank you for reminding me that sometimes when you better yourself, there's a chain reaction for those around you. I appreciate you & love you for that. 

Now, moving on to th fun/challenging week that I had.

If you haven't noticed by my facebook or Instagram posts, I FREAKING LOVE BOXING!!! I go to Title Boxing Club in Missoula & have been lucky to attend the past couple of weeks on a free 2 free week voucher I got for running in the Diva Dash a few months back. I'm not competing to hopefully get a 3 free month membership by donating a lot of canned food items. 

The workout is called "Power Hour" and it's exactly a hour with 15 minute "warm up" which makes you want to slightly dry heave or die. Then there are 8 rounds of 3 minute sessions on the bag focusing on combos, speed, power, etc. Then the last 15 minutes is your ab/core workout. My first time was intimidating but positive, and now I'm addicted. I love the full body workout you get, the staff, and the results! I burn over 700 calories per hour at the classes, which is unbelievable! 

Here is a picture of just 10 days between each side. I did my fasted cardio 3 times a week and then adding more boxing into the mix. 

November 1-November 11.

I'm hoping to continue to take advantage of free classes or hopefully win a free 3 month membership! :) It's a little out of my budget right now, but if I am able to buy a few months down after the new year, I definately will. 

The ladies I go to boxing with our some of my favorites. Having met new friends through this sport, I'm so thankful! 

This week I did take 2 rest days, back to back which isn't like me but I took my normal rest day on Tuesday and then Wednesday I came home and had a mental/emotional breakdown. I just feel like I've focused so much on work, my workouts, and meal prepping that I am completely scattered at home. So, I stayed home and got things in order and plan on finishing some house cleaning and organizing today. 

On Thursday, I went to the Women's Club here in Missoula with Alesha, just to try it out as her guest for a week. It was a great workout and again, meeting a new friend, Rachel was great! I'm so excited to continue to workout with these ladies and motivate one another. I've used Instagram for so long and the Facebook group made by Amber and I, that I forgot that if you look hard enough, you can find some awesome people right where you are!

I hope you have a great weekend, and stay active! This week and weekend I'm going HARD because my best friend, Chelsea is coming to town & I want to go out and have a good time! I'm already excited about staying motivated during my break for Thanksgiving and going home. Already have some workout buddies planned back home! 

XOXO

NOVEMBER! New Month, New Goals!

November 1st? Where has the last year gone? It's amazing how much can change and how much a person can improve themselves in such a short amount of time! I don't even miss the person I was last year! Anyway, lets focus on THIS MONTH! The last 7-10 days were tough for me. I was in a funk mentally, and I think a part of it was being homesick. For some reason, seeing November on the calendars made me realize that I will see my family on Thanksgiving, and it will come soon! I decided to start this month NEW, REFRESHED, & READY to kick some butt. 

A couple days before the end of October, I got some exciting, motivating, and incredible news. I got some blood work done a couple weeks ago for a Wellness Check through my job. I requested to have pretty much a full panel done, especially on my glucose and A1C numbers. The past 6 years, my A1C number has been a 7.5-7.8 on a scale of 4.0-6.0. When I recieved my lab work back, my results for my A1C was 5.0!! This was the push and affirmation I needed that what I am doing is working for MY BODY! 

I have some November goals in mind and I'm so excited to reach them! Here are my November Goals. (If this is the first time you're seeing goals like these, I encourage you to make some for yourself! Every month focus on these 3-7 things you want to accomplish! They can be as little or as big as you choose).

Let me break them down a little. Especially the first one. "2 a days" or 2 workouts in one day. The first workout is fasted cardio; I will wake up and immidately change into workout gear and head to the gym (the cold air and soon to be snow on the ground isn't appealing to me at 6:30 in the morning). Check out the link for info on fasted cardio. After I get off work, I will go home, eat dinner and head back to the gym for weights and and more cardio! I did my first day of fasted cardio this morning and it was a great success so far! I'm excited to go home "carb up" and head to the gym for an intense workout session! My fasted cardio was 30 minutes on the eliptical and I burned over 300 calories (for those of you who love to count).

My plan this month to really challenge myself is to do this 4 consecutive days in a row. Monday-Tuesday! One the other 3 days, I will do one workout, on my rest day I will most likely do yoga or a light walk. I feel like my eating is on point a lot of the time and my workouts have been the same since about August so I'm trying to shock my body a little and try something new.

Meal prepping has become something the last few weeks that I enjoy and look forward to (WHO KNEW!) See...what we learn when we try new things, come on people! 
 

Did you know that Jillian  Michaels (MY FITSPO) has PCOS?

I also have taken full body progress pictures from all angles so I can compare how this month of a higher intensity of workouts do for my body. I can't wait to take a picture with my family and compare it against last year's thanksgiving photo! 

Yesterday, my office dressed up as duck dynasty/duck commanders. It was fun to see the kids come to the office and get toys and for people to look at us with our gross looking beards! 

 The best part is documenting this journey. I'm so shocked at the smallest changes, and how much better I feel after a long day by looking at a comparison picture. For me, it isn't because I look skinny or fit. My confidence and my smile is real! I look and gleam HEALTH! Where before, I was empty. 

Here's a little comparison picture of halloween 2011 vs 2013. 2011 wasn't even my heaviest weight!


I hope each one of you embrace a new month and work hard for the progress YOU WANT! I'm so motivated and excited to see where I'll be by the end of 2013. This year has been the greatest year of my life, even with my struggles, loss, heartache, and disappointment. I am more motivated to make my future all that it can be!

First 5K & HUGE Milestone!

I'm not a runner. I don't like running, actually. I never ran when I was heavier because I simply couldn't. Now that I can, it's not one of those things I love to, but I will do it. One of my 3 goals for losing weight and becoming fit was to run...not walk for cancer and other issues close to my heart. I told myself that one day I would run a half marathon or maybe a full marathon for raising money for cancer, PCOS, suicide etc. I shared my goals and hope to run a 5k this year with my dear friend, Mamoru, and just days before he left this earth he said, "why just run one 5k? Run 5!" I laughed. I told him I would try. Since he left, I wanted to honor his name and memory in a positive, clean, healthy way. After all, he was one of my biggest supporters. I decided that for the next year I would run as many 5K's as possible. 

I have a t-shirt that his mom, Julie gave me when I was at their home. It has a picture of him and a beautiful writing piece on the back about family. Mamoru was the closest thing to a brother I had, so I thought it was only fitting that with each race I do, I will wear the shirt, write the date, race name, and time on the shirt. After a year, I will frame the shirt and put it on my wall. I didn't realize how emotional participating a 5K would be for me. Yes, I was emotional because I was remembering my friend, but also the simple fact I would have never signed up at 250 lbs...even to walk it. My confidence and self worth has increased beyond belief. 

I spent most of the 5k walking with a friend because of how cold it was! I definately did not train for a 5k in the cold. My lungs were freaking out, even walking. I'm excited though, I plan to actually train for a 5k at least a couple times a week. I think I'll practice running outside during the weekend, so my lungs have some idea as to what to expect. :) 

I did this for you, Mamoru.

I'm noticing strength and endurance in my body that I didn't know existed. I was just telling a friend last week, I feel like I'm in this awkward stage because I know my body can do so much more than what it looks like I'm capable of doing. Yes, I don't look 250 lbs anymore, but I don't look like a body builder either. However, when I see women and men benching weights or doing machines at the gym, and I'm able to keep up, they are shocked. That to me, proves that any number on a scale is crap!! 

I've said this soooo many times before, and I probably will continue to say it until the end of time. It's something I'm extrmeley passionate about and I truly believe nothing (body size, weight, etc) will change unless it place....


LOVE YOURSELF!!! YOUR BODY IS CHANGING,

I had to tell myself that I was worth fighting for. Once I did that, everything fell into place. No, it didn't happen over night and I still had to work very hard and remind myself often of my purpose and love for my body. Once I did though, I felt unstoppable. Be realistic. Stare at yourself in the mirror often. Look at what you're working with. Picture the slightest changes and soon it won't be a picture, it will be reality. The hardest part of this journey is the mental struggles that come with food, body image, and self worth. 

Something this weekend happened that really gave me a new rush of motivation. Last October 13, 2012, I was at a football game and a picture was taken of me. You've probably seen it posted it quit a bit, it's a picture of my heaviest weight 253 lbs. I untagged myself on facebook, deleted it off my facebook, etc when it first was posted. Now, it's a favorite photo to reference because I've come so far!! Anyway, a whole year has passed since that photo, and I decided to wear the same top and the same size jeans as the picture to share a little comparison. :) 

I am wearing a size 18/20 (stretch) American Eagle pants and a XXL stretch sweater.on the picture on the Left. Currently I'm in a size L/M in shirt (depending on the style) & a 12/13 pair of pants.There is a total of 72+ lbs difference between then & now.

With Success Also Comes New Struggles.

I have a habit of posting positive, empowering, encouraging, inspiring posts on Facebook, Instagram, and this blog. (wow that wasn't humble at all...stay tuned you'll get where I'm going with this). Everyone tells me how positive and uplifting I am. I think I don't necessarily try but to keep myself positive, I need to keep a straight mindset when it comes to what can potentially outweigh the bad.

This past month has been tough with losing a great friend, still processing the loss of other family members and just simply juggling work, exercise, clean eating, and life. 

Updated Progress Picture. :)

Confession: I think I might have been under eating the past 3 weeks. A year ago stress made me eat everything in sight especially cheesy pasta and bread. I'm not sure why things have changed so much. I found myself so tired at night I would eat a banana and some peanut butter for dinner. I wouldn't feel like I was starving or famished, but I knew I wasn't eating enough. I had this "I don't care" attitude and for once I just allowed myself to be depressed. I still am. My heart still hurts and it's a constant struggle to stay on track with eating every few hours. 

When I first started my journey I was eating small meals every 2-2.5 hours. After about 4 months of that and my metabolism being "woken up" I decided that a small breakfast afternoon snack, medium lunch, and large dinner was better. I will often switch it up from time to time with lots of little meals.

So, 5-6 months ago I had a slight "binging" problem. I'm sure others will look at what I consider binging and think I'm crazy for classifying it as that but the truth is the emotional triggers is what makes me classify it as that. On a positive note, those episodes have lessened tremendously. I'm extremely proud of myself. I know that of course I will probably do it a time or two more along this journey but the guilt that came with it will not be there. I've also found a way to work through it mentally. When I have the thought of doing it; I drink 20+ ounces of water in one sitting. I don't let the water bottle out of my hands the entire time until it's gone. If the water is gone and I still have the urge I will get 1 thing that's "bad" might be bread or a piece of pizza...something but nothing more than 1 thing. Those two methods seem to help a lot.

My workouts this month (from the 11th on) have been great!I started focusing more on my arms and backs. The weights have been my friend along with machines. However, I know to keep slimming down in the waist area I need to add more cardio as well. I need a nice balance of cardio and weights. 

So, going back to my under eating issue: I will be doing a full week worth of meal prep for the first time this Sunday. I will take pictures, write recipes, and post the process on my blog. I will keep notes on how the week goes and report back. Then, the next time I do it hopefully I can do it better. I'm excited to see how it goes. 

I wanted to share this struggle of "under eating" because this journey throws a lot of challenges at you. By being able to post this one...I'm hoping to accept it as a struggle and issue, better myself and not rely on it as a problem anymore. I'm taking the steps to improve and get back on track. Please understand that NO ONE is PERFECT on this journey. We all falter in different areas at different points. That being said, we learn so much during each stage so keep yourself accountable and accept the emotions, thoughts, and pain that come with each day because those are what teach us the lessons. 

I hope you all are well. Post questions or email me (look in the contact tab) so we can discuss any questions, issues, or problems you might be having. 

Hugs to you.

Need Support? Accountability? Motivation? Sisterhood?

My friend Amber and I have talked about starting a fitness group on Facebook for some time due to the fact we are asked the same questions over and over and over....We decided to start it a couple of weeks ago.

We thought it would be a nice place to keep one another motivated and offer support. We decided to clarify that the group is NOT for the two of us to have a "meal plan" or "exercise plan" for the group members. We are not licensed nutritionists or personal trainers. We simply know what works for us and know how our bodies respond to certain types of food and exercise.We believe that our fitness journeys are completely TRIAL AND ERROR and that what works for one person may not work for another. There are no rules! Simply ways to modify a "bad" way of eating to "clean" way of eating.

We ask the group a daily question and have recently started to include a fitness challenge daily. We are starting them off simple and fun because a lot of the women are beginners and we all have to start somewhere!

You're welcome to find our group, join, and participate. We are simply two girls on two different journeys but we have the same goals in mind.It is a closed group and only members can view what is posted. There are women who have PCOS and women who do not! Lets educate one another.

Feel free to introduce yourself, share pictures of the meals you eat, share recipes, health related articles, ask questions, participate in conversations. This is a group that depends on your participation and what you are willing to give it and take out of it. I've met some amazing women from mine and Amber's Instagram accounts and I'm thankful I get to know them better on this page.

We are all in different parts of our journeys and I think that is why we are able to offer so much to one another.

Click HERE to view the group.

So Many Changes!

I've had a few people ask about starting a fitness page on Facebook. I've thought about it, but right now with everything going on I'm not sure I'm comfortable starting one. I am hoping that the blog gives everyone enough information and I'm completely open to receiving emails and friend requests on Facebook. 

To those of you who have sent emails and friend requests, thank you! It means the world to begin a friendship with each of you and to talk about such an important transition in your lives!

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With the excitement of the last post and wanting to get something posted for everyone to read, I failed to include EVERY exciting thing that has happened this month.


PCOS Awareness Association
 
So obviously, if you're reading this you know this blog is dedicated to my weight loss journey and struggling with PCOS. I've shared the links to my blog on various different sites including Twitter and Instagram. I had a PCOS related account on IG follow me and start to take notice of my pictures and videos which was nice, and to my surprise I received this email :) 

 

I hope you can read it. Of course, I was so excited! I've always loved to write, especially relate able topics, but this was a whole new level of excitement. I would be writing about what I'm currently facing and what I'm doing to better myself. I could potentially help other women and be a type of support. I also felt a tad bit unsure of myself of course; not knowing if I could provide the information women are looking to receive. I knew that God has placed me int his situation for a reason. I would go with it and give it my all. 

So of course, I submitted my first pieces and have loved the whole interactive site. It's a website that allows you set up a profile and talk to other women with PCOS. Click here to check it out. :) I will be posting every other week on Monday. For the first couple of pieces click here. I encourage you to check out the other 4 women who are writing for the website. We all have different perspective, different ways that we have seen results, but we all have PCOS and the desire to beat it in common. If you're struggling with PCOS, please go set up a profile under the "Our Community" tab to be able to talk with other women and doctors who will be participating in conversations. 

 NON SCALE VICTORY 

There is a sale going on at Old Navy, Banana Republic, and The Gap for 30% off entire order (even clearance) and this past weekend I decided to order some clothes. I don't have a lot of shorts or pants so I wanted to do what I usually don't do: buy brand new clothes while losing weight. I decided to buy half size 14 (current size) and size 12 (will soon be there!). When I went to the Old Navy website, in the menu I clicked on "Women's Plus Size" and of course immediately went to the "Clearance" section. I found some really cute jean shorts and after clicking on them, I became frustrated because my size was listed. The smallest size was 16. I was looking for 14. It took a couple of seconds to realize why my size wasn't available. It wasn't because none of the shorts in that size were available in the clearance section. It was because I am no longer plus size!

This definitely called for an emotional moment. I cried. I hadn't even thought about that mental transition until I ordered clothes. Looking and searching through items without looking for "plus size" really changed my mental state about where I was at and where I can go in just a matter of months.

Recent Progress Picture

October 13, 2012 vs July 23, 2013. 

Sick! :(

So, I wasn't feeling the greatest after a long weekend with my nieces. I thought it was a little throat bug due to allergies and being around more germs (movie theater, water park, etc) from the weekend's activities.

Well, after two days of feeling miserable, I was informed it wasn't strep (everyone's original guess). I actually had a fungi infection on my tonsils and throat region. It was caused from........DAIRY! Yes, most of you know that I'm lactose intolerant, but thought I had found a good balance the past couple of years. I found that yogurt was NOT OKAY for my body and I didn't enjoy milk anyway, but for the past 4 months it's been almond, soy, and coconut milk. But I do still have the occasional ice cream, and I LOVE CHEESE! I always had it in moderation since my life style change. However, this weekend I did notice a bit more cheese intake compared the past couple of weeks when a friend with PCOS mentioned that her specialist told her about limiting dairy to help with acne breakouts.

What do you know? The acne is diminishing (or was until this weekend's dairy intake). So, after some talking with my doctor it looks like a dairy free diet is the best way to go. So, I will be no longer eating cheese :( or.......ice cream.

Yes, I know there are alternatives to both of those options and I plan to research and try new things, but for someone who prided herself in not feeling deprived or cutting something completely out of her diet, this will be a challenge. 

On another note, here are some items that are new to my kitchen that I plan on trying. (I will have to look at the ingredients for the Annies mac and cheese). I've tried the tortillas before but wanted to try some new items. 

Please don't hesitate to email with questions! :) chelsearosen@gmail.com or find me on Facebook by searching "Chelsea Niewald" 

A Little of Everything!

 This weekend marked 12 weeks, exactly 3 months since I decided to change my life! I'm officially 34 lbs down! :) I never thought I could do this, but I'm surprising myself! Starting today, I will not look at the scale for an entire month! I plan on focusing on my core, abs, legs, arms and really trying to jump start the toning up process and in the meantime, hopefully losing a few pounds this month! I really need to focus on my tummy region this month.

Food prepping for a couple of days. Chicken breasts lightly coated with extra virgin olive oil, fresh squeezed lemon juice (half) with 2 small red potatoes, fresh garden onions, fresh basel, fresh parsley.

A circuit! :)

Biggest Loser Workout kicked by butt! Such a great workout! :) Worked new muscles and literally had to take a day off after!

Breakfast for dinner! 3 eggs scrambled, 2 morning star veggie patties cut up, spinach, one roma tomato.

7 week difference! I hated showing my arms, but I'm proud at how far they are coming along! :D

Felt good enough to lay out in a bikini to get some sun. Of course no one was around, but still! The point is, I sat outside in a bikini!

My weight!!! I reach 208, exactly 34 lbs down in 3 months! I was so happy!! :) I spent a majority of last week freaking out about not losing weight. Obviously, my three periods made me hold on to some water weight but by weigh in day, it was gone!

I was told that when family follow your lead it's the most rewarding thing on the planet. Well, having my mom brag about almost being out of the 200s made my day! She is planning on rewarding herself with a new outfit when she hits 175. I'm so lucky that she sees how important it is to get healthy!

It's a new month! Here are July's goal! Yes, you saw that, NO SCALE JULY!

Here's a challenge I'm doing this month. I haven't ever participated in one before, but I thought this looked doable!

Wore a shirt I haven't been able to fit comfortably in a couple of summers! Feels great!

Today's workout. I took 3 days off from working out. Why? Because I was sore and a bit lazy, but I hit it hard tonight and this week will be a great week!

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Great workout tonight! :) Missed the feeling! :D

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