A Little of Everything!

 This weekend marked 12 weeks, exactly 3 months since I decided to change my life! I'm officially 34 lbs down! :) I never thought I could do this, but I'm surprising myself! Starting today, I will not look at the scale for an entire month! I plan on focusing on my core, abs, legs, arms and really trying to jump start the toning up process and in the meantime, hopefully losing a few pounds this month! I really need to focus on my tummy region this month.

Food prepping for a couple of days. Chicken breasts lightly coated with extra virgin olive oil, fresh squeezed lemon juice (half) with 2 small red potatoes, fresh garden onions, fresh basel, fresh parsley.

A circuit! :)

Biggest Loser Workout kicked by butt! Such a great workout! :) Worked new muscles and literally had to take a day off after!

Breakfast for dinner! 3 eggs scrambled, 2 morning star veggie patties cut up, spinach, one roma tomato.

7 week difference! I hated showing my arms, but I'm proud at how far they are coming along! :D

Felt good enough to lay out in a bikini to get some sun. Of course no one was around, but still! The point is, I sat outside in a bikini!

My weight!!! I reach 208, exactly 34 lbs down in 3 months! I was so happy!! :) I spent a majority of last week freaking out about not losing weight. Obviously, my three periods made me hold on to some water weight but by weigh in day, it was gone!

I was told that when family follow your lead it's the most rewarding thing on the planet. Well, having my mom brag about almost being out of the 200s made my day! She is planning on rewarding herself with a new outfit when she hits 175. I'm so lucky that she sees how important it is to get healthy!

It's a new month! Here are July's goal! Yes, you saw that, NO SCALE JULY!

Here's a challenge I'm doing this month. I haven't ever participated in one before, but I thought this looked doable!

Wore a shirt I haven't been able to fit comfortably in a couple of summers! Feels great!

Today's workout. I took 3 days off from working out. Why? Because I was sore and a bit lazy, but I hit it hard tonight and this week will be a great week!

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Great workout tonight! :) Missed the feeling! :D

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Fighting Demons

I guess I'll start off with the bad and choose to end on a positive note. 

Today's workout was hard. It was hard physically and mentally. Honestly, I know it was more mental than anything else because I wanted to cry and I typically don't want to cry unless I can't express or comprehend how I feel. We (Laura, Jason, and I) did 45 pushups (easy part of the workout) and then decided to run up the mountain we hike in Bonner. 

Once we started getting going, I realized AGAIN how big I still am even though I feel great and feel like I've improved soooo much! I was reminded of my stomach, my thighs, my knees that ache from time to time, my lungs being weak, and my mental state of "Fat Chelsea". That's exactly what the issue was I felt HUGE. I felt horrible. For the first couple of minutes I was saying "Come on Chelsea, just do your best. You can hike this easy and you can also run...just give it your all". 

I'll be honest, yes, I tried and I did run even as my legs were burning and my knee was like "wtf?" and my lungs felt like they were collapsing. I don't know why I got so defeated, but I guess I just thought my body could do a little more and of course do it a little better. 

I'm really proud and impressed by Jason though. He pushed and ran straight to the top. Laura hung back with me when I needed a walking break. I seriously can't wait until no one has to wait or slow down for me. 

So, yeah, the workout was though and it didn't leave me with ALL positive feelings but I like that my legs are still sore and that I know I had a good sweat. And, next time, I'll try harder...and give it my all. And eventually, I'll get there. I need to remember I still have so much more weight to lose and I still have so much further to go on this journey. 

So, on a positive note. I woke up this morning and walked by the mirror to see someone I haven't seen in a while. Given that I was in all black and in spandex...but I felt like I looked different just a little bit more "healthier". I would have never taken a picture in a tank top and spandex shorts 6 weeks ago but because I felt awesome this morning, I DID!!! 

  
 I also was looking through my pictures from when Laura and I first started hiking and look what I found--the picture on the left and today is the picture on the right. I know the standing position is different & my clothes are different, but still...

I have a lot to be proud of, even on days like today where I feel like I took a couple steps back. I'm living a life that many don't make the choice to live. I'm determined and have showed so much dedication that I can't give up. I won't give up. (I love how this is turning into a little pep talk to myself. Haha). 

 
    Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll give it my all. I'll make it different from today. I won't allow myself to beat my mind down by calling myself fat or HUGE again. 

We all have demons...every single day. It just so happens that mine showed themselves today.  

Emotional Day...Cry, Don't Eat.

I just had another reminder about why exactly I am doing this...

January 2012, my Nana (grandma) was diagnosed with colon cancer, and just days later, my Uncle Marvin was also diagnosed with colon cancer. Both of them, stage 3 or 4. My nana told me "doesn't matter what stage it is, i'm going to beat it...so we will just call it 'cancer' that's it."

My nana is a texting queen now (since I moved away from home) and she told me that this past Mnoday she went into a doctors appointment for a check up because of the amount of pain she is having.

Last Mother's Day, she had surgery which removed the cancer and had her have a bag for bathroom purposes until Father's Day. (weird...I know..her surgey dates..)

So, since almost a year ago, she has been in a lot of pain. She is currently waiting for the phone call from the doctor about the colonscopy and gall bladder scans that were taken on Monday.

Am I scared of cancer? Yes.

Do I want to be healthy to reduce my risks? Yes.

Did I ever think my nana (who is healthy) would get cancer? No.

I get the fact that cancer can happen to anyone, but if I put in more time toward my health, I could add more years on to my life.

Losing my nana is my biggest fear...and someday I don't want my kids or grandkids having this same fear. The fear that makes you cry at work because the thought of your loved ones being in pain and being sick is terrifying.

Asking for prayers for my Nana and family.

The Numbers....April 20, 2013

I'm practically having anxiety as I type right now. I'm a very quiet person when it comes to my weight, and for so long I've been embarrassed to even "hint" at what I could weigh. I know that if I want to be held accountable and reminded of my weekly progress and even inspired to work harder, putting these numbers up every week is what I need to do. 

I told myself that if people following my blog are taking the time to read everything, I better put it ALL out there. 
 

I weighed in on April 6, with an empty bladder, so every Saturday that's when I weigh in.

I was just keeping track of the numbers on my "notes" on my phone. The following week, I weighed in again and the number was going down a bit! :) 

Here is this morning's number....from the scale itself. 

I hope you can see the numbers...it says 233.8. Next week I'll take a better pic of the scale. 

 

 

 

I see these numbers and I'm so ashamed, ashamed that I let my weight get this bad...I know at one point I just decided to ignore it. I chose to blame it on my PCOS. I know getting PCOS was a large part in the weight gain, but I shouldn't have allowed the illness to take over. I should have tried harder to prevent the weight from adding on. 

But, instead of beating myself up, I'm going to continue to work as hard as ever and make those numbers keep going down each week. I'm glad I decided to do this at 21, instead of 40 or 50. 

Thank you all who have encouraged, supported, and wrote amazing messages on here and on Facebook through this very vulnerable time. I appreciate you all! :)